Reading the comments of a friend's Facebook post about taking her family to Hawaii, there appear to be two types of responses: "making memories" and "have fun". For quite awhile I've been inexplicably annoyed by "making memories" responses and, in turn, annoyed by my reaction. Why does that rub me the wrong way? I think it goes back to one event.. . . .
I was once a bridesmaid in a wedding in which the photographer ran the show. She was at the rehearsal giving us instructions on how to stand, how to hold our bouquets during the ceremony to have the best photos. The wedding didn't start until she nodded. The reception, in the bride's large Webster home, was totally over-shadowed by the photographer. We couldn't mix and mingle, but had to pose for hundreds of photos. Food ready to eat? Well, she wasn't done photographing. The priority was "making memories" rather than enjoying the event.
My daughters are always criticizing my photos because I don't warn people that I'm taking them. I want to capture the spontaneity, the pleasure of the event not focus on the photo. I don't want to distract people from what they're doing by having them pose for a photo.
Although I have often regretted not having good photos of our holidays in the 1950s with cousins running around, I still have the warm memories even without the photos. Sadly, the photos we have are grainy, blurry and now faded over time. I think I come from a long line of "live for the moment" people who were so excited to be together that they couldn't hold the camera steady.
I've heard people say, "if it's not on Instagram, it didn't happen" and I know they are being funny, but that feeds the idea that we have to "make the memories".
So, here I am on a blog which certainly has memories which I have documented---the purpose of the events were not to make memories so I have something to document but to simply document the events. There are those in our family who object to any photos taken and I think it's because of this "making memories" attitude which they are totally reacting against it.
I am a historian, genealogist. You'd think I'd be Team Making Memories. But I'm not.
I've always felt that there is too much emphasis on the wedding with not enough on the marriage. Focus is often on the bride and not the couple. I even have a theory that the success of the marriage correlates to the amount of money spent on the wedding because the focus is putting on (and documenting) a production not celebrating a relationship.
I think it's interesting to see how the comments fall into one category or the other. Here's an example of the responses to that Facebook post:
- Are you a "making memories", "carpe diem" , or a blend of the two as the last two are?
