Researching Childhood Friends

My daughter, Rebecca, is putting together a book for my birthday with photos from my life.  She sent me this photo asking , "who are these children with you (back row left) and Jane (front row right)?"  And thus began several days of Jane and I reminiscing about childhood friends when we lived in Tower Grove South neighborhood.  And that led us to "whatever became of them"?  Jane and I both have great researching skills so we went to work.

First, was Barbara E. whose family had pretty much adopted my grandmother, mother and us as one of their own.  I knew all of Barbara's aunts and grandparents had died, but what happened to Barbara.  I researched her name on ancestry, but nothing but her high school year book photo and a marriage certificate came up (was she REALLY married at 18?).  So, I googled her husband who had a Facebook Account.  I messaged him and he wrote me right back that he and Barbara were divorced, she had re-married and was living in Pacific Northwest, but he had lost touch with her.

Next were this family who shared a "flat" with us.  We lived upstairs and they lived downstairs.  The girl in the middle "D" was older and was always a bit aloof.  Researching her, I found she had been living in Belleville IL but has died.  Jane and I had known that "W", the beautiful red-headed boy had died young.  He had become a hair dresser and was gay.  Jane thought suicide but I thought AIDs.  Neither of us was right---an automobile accident in Illinois that also killed the man who was with him.  Next was "La Wanda", his twin sister who is sitting in front of me and beside Jane.

She and her brother were in the same grade as I was but went to the Catholic school.  She was quiet but friendly and smiled more than this photo shows.  They had a difficult home life as many children did in that neighborhood with parents who drank too much being the common thread.  Although we enjoyed playing with the twins, I don't recall ever playing in each other's flat---just in the yard or on the sidewalk.  Thanks to their father's obituary, I was able to find "LaWanda's" married name.  With that, Jane was able to locate an address in Missouri.  I have tried to contact her on Facebook, but she hasn't responded.  Maybe she doesn't remember us, maybe she does and doesn't want to be re-acquainted, maybe she hasn't received the message.

I have her address and could write her a note, but I don't know if I want to.  There's something so "safe" about Facebook.  It's a great place to catch up on old friendships---no one really knows your e-mail, phone or address.  If you decide this is not a friendship worth having, you can unfriend, unfollow or "snooze".  It's as if you never reached out.  You can't do that with the other means of communication.  (Although I have delegated one friend as "junk mail" after unfriending him on Facebook)

I am grateful that I have my sister Jane to share memories with.  We both have amazing research skills (mine through my genealogy and hers through her job in the insurance business).  This exploration of these two families, brought us together on-line working toward a common goal despite not having seen each other since early March.  There are still a few families we haven't tracked down yet---hey, Jane how about the Ernsts and the Shorts?

 

What did you do during Covid 19, Great-grandmother?

 I've been an avid genealogist for over 40 years, but the family tree doesn't interest me as much as the

family stories which give me a tiny glimpse into the past.  One of my dad's cousins (David Long) once told me that his grandfather (Thomas Henry Long) talked about living during the Civil War.  The family was living in the stone house (on Stone House Road in Jefferson County) when soldiers stopped by their house.   I don't know why, I don't know which side, I don't know if they stayed, if they threatened them. That's all of the story. The stone house was originally built as a stage coach stop  between De Soto and Hillsboro so it could have had something to do with that.  It's hard to keep stories alive that are 3rd or 4th hand.  For more on the Old Stone House click here.

So, for my great grandchildren, this is a first hand account of living during Covid 19.  I feel bad for the families that have to juggle work and supervising their children's schooling.  I feel bad for the teachers having to revamp their entire teaching method for virtual learning.  I feel bad for the health care workers who are on the front lines for this virus.  I feel bad for my friends in senior living who are often confined to their rooms for quarantine.  I feel bad for the college students who are at the most social time of their lives but are virtual learning and having to stay in small groups.  I do not feel sorry for those who refuse to socially distance themselves, refuse to wear masks, demand in person learning and believe in the politicians who say it's not a big deal, that it is a hoax or it's up to the individual. It is worse in the United States than anywhere in the world because of the failure of our leadership at the state and national level.

I have auto-immune hepatitis and must take drugs to keep my body from rejecting my liver.  The drugs keep me alive but also make me get very sick if I catch anything.  For the past 5 years, I retreat into self-imposed isolation just before Christmas and come out again in March.  Sadly, this March began Covid 19 and I never got to "come out" again.  Instead, we pushed doctor's appointments to the summer because, "it will all be over by the summer." This is August and it's worse than it was in March.  We have had to go to some doctor's appointments and testing but we have had some virtually via the computer or telephone.  In addition to being immune-suppressed, we are both in our 70's which makes it likely that we would not get a "mild case" according to authorities.

I haven't been in a store since early March when I went to Schnucks grocery to shop at 5 AM.  We have everything delivered.  I order our groceries on-line and they are delivered to the door by Instacart.  Other items are delivered by Amazon also to our front door.  We had begun meal delivery service several years ago---the groceries are delivered with menus for me to fix the meals (Hello Fresh and Blue Apron).  Most of our prescription medicines are also delivered.  

Our daughters Rebecca, Rachel and Leah take turns coming to town to help out with chores or shopping that can't be delivered.  They also helped me get Dave (great-grandpa) to the doctor before we had the ramp and lift into the van for his wheel chairs.  I miss not seeing our family members probably the most---no family reunions, no family gatherings, no meet-ups in Columbia, MO, no celebrations for graduations or birthdays.  I am very grateful that I got to at least see all of the grandchildren this summer even if I couldn't hug them or be with them without a mask.

The second thing I miss is going to church where most of our friends are.  I'm very thankful for zoom for small groups, Bible Study, Coffee Klatch, meetings, writing group.  There have been several occasions where people have gotten together "safely" but I had to pass---"getting together safely" is not  possible for me. For many the jazz evening and the drive-in worship  services were healing, but for me it just tears open the wounds.  I am so social that it would break my heart to see people and not be able to hug them, talk to them, see them smile. Several have begun walking together and hiking, but it's still too risky for me. We have worship on Sunday which we watch on the television and can "chat" in a box on the screen.  And that will have to do for now.

The third thing I miss is traveling.  We have been on 19 cruises and I had one scheduled for November 2020 which I've already cancelled.  We have been on a Baltic cruise, a Mediterranean cruise, a trans-Atlantic cruise, a Panama Canal cruise and an Alaskan cruise in addition to the Caribbean and Mexico.  They worked so well after Dave's accident in 2001.  Lately, we rarely got off the ship since he was in a wheel chair, but I could be social while he read on the balcony. I had meals prepared for me and served. and often help with the wheel chair.  In recent years, we often travelled with my brother Jim and his wife Deb or with one of the daughters and families.  Our favorites were the Disney cruises because I felt safer from germs---smaller ships, smaller elevators, fewer people and lots of great help from the staff.

The fourth thing I miss is just shopping---mostly thrift stores where I loved the hunt for a bargain, a collectible or a shirt at a fraction of the cost retail.  But, I also just miss walking up and down the aisles of Target, Ace Hardware or CVS drug store.

So, what am I doing with my time?  Dave needs a lot of help.  We have purchased ramps and motorized wheel chairs, but he still needs help.  I was very sick a few weeks ago with a digestive virus and couldn't come downstairs for almost 24 hours---I was too weak and didn't want him to catch it.  He only ate a granola bar and nuts---never fixed a meal although plenty of food was in the refrigerator.  He was able to get out of bed, into his wheelchair to get to the recliner in the family room.  But, no coffee, no breakfast, no daily pills. 

And what does Dave do with his time?  First, he is quiet and introverted and doesn't need people as much as I do.   He reads the newspaper, spy novels, works crossword puzzles and Sudoko.  He has chores he can do while sitting:  folding laundry, putting silverware in the drawer, paying bills, putting the dirty dishes on the island for me to grab and put in the dishwasher. He also drives to pick up our prescriptions from CVS pharmacy.  I try to have him drive several times a week to keep him sharp.  In the evening we like to watch television---mostly British mysteries from PBS or Acorn streaming service.

I still volunteer for church:  sending cards to shut-ins for the Deacons, selling items on Ebay donated by church members, maintaining the church blog, administrating our church Facebook and Twitter pages, and participating in small group and a Bible study.  I also make phone calls to those who need to hear from church friends.  We reach out to different people each week.  So unlike some, I am not bored.

I also enjoy puzzles:  jigsaw puzzles, Words with Friends and Acrostic puzzles.  As a former reading and English teacher, reading novels are one of the ways I unwind.   According to Good Reads, I've read 22 books in 8 months.  My favorites were Circe, The Dutch House, Before We Were Yours,  All the Ways We Say Goodbye, and a new series by Victoria Thompson which takes place in New York City in the early 1900's. And, of course, there's always genealogy.  My goal was once to trace my ancestry to the "old country" which I now realize is pretty unattainable with all of my mother's family being here in the 1600's.  My new goal is to trace all lines to 5 greats.  As a former teacher, attainable goals are important!

My exercise schedule had taken a real set back 2 years ago when our health club Wellbridge closed.  I never found another club even close to what we had.  We had settled for going to many places to get the services we got there.  Dave went to his personal trainer's house, I went to JCA for pilates, Ballwin Pointe for Zumba, Lifetime Fitness for spa, and Anytime Fitness for Stretch.   Then Covid 19 shut everything down.  My only exercise is Stretch on Zoom 2-3 times a week.  Dave's personal trainer moved to another location and we just started back with her after home health care for several months.

All in all, we have fared better than many.  Because so many were out of work, we have had a lot of work done to our house.  We have had landscaping, a new patio put in, new handrails out the back.  The house has been power washed and the sunroom painted. We had a ramp put in the garage and a new step to the sunroom (to help my knees).  We will be READY to go places and see people when Covid-19 isolation is over.  I am hoping some virtual programs will still be around:  church worship, exercise, doctor's visits because I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable in large groups and waiting rooms.  I am very thankful for the development of these virtual programs, but look forward to the day when I can again hug family and friends and see the smiles on their faces even if I have to remain masked.