Stature, Nutrition and Horse racing

 I have always been "on the small side"--I am flanked by my Long cousins Bob and Steve---the three of us were born within 6 weeks of one another.  While many kids had wooden blocks on the bike pedals, I'm one of the few who had wooden blocks on the brake pedal in my first car.

When I reached my adult height of 5' 1.5", I looked around and decided I'd been "cheated".  I was smaller than both of my parents AND all of my grandparents.  Wasn't nutrition supposed to give me a boost?  I was determined to "show the world" that my height didn't matter.

 I tried out for every athletic team in high school, but only made the basketball team.  I think the coach thought I'd be annoying to the "forwards"  waving my arms, dancing and jumping around using distraction as my main weapon like a demented mosquito.  That was all for naught when we played Wellston high school: I thought those forwards were going to swat me right off the basketball court.  

But, I still puzzled why was I so short, but  saddled with the family name of "Long". God does have a sense of humor. I did not look at my dad's side of the family who bore the name "Long" but Mom's with the photo of my grandmother with her mother.  My grandmother was about 5'4" but her mother was below 5' and wore children's shoes. So, I always looked to Mattie as the reason I was so short. We have no photos of my great-grandfather G. W. Watson, but I assumed he was of normal height since Grandma was.

My great grandfather, G. W.,  died when Grandma was very young---he was killed by a horse.  Oddly my mother's other grandfather was also killed by a horse before my grandfather was born.  Mother reasoned that they were probably racing horses like teen agers race cars today.  

Being a genealogist, I searched Newspapers.com for articles about each of my great grandfathers  to find out more about their deaths (both before death certificates in Missouri).  I still haven't found anything about their deaths but I did find something very interesting.  There was a G. W. Watson racing horses from New Orleans to St. Louis.  I have no proof that this is my great grandfather other than the name, a connection to horses, in the Mississippi River valley and there is no record of him after 1909 (my great grandfather died before 1910).  The article pictured was about the Delmar race track in St. Louis.  Note how much he weighed--105 pounds.

I am going to assume that G. W. was a very small man.  While still puzzling over my grandmother being "normal" sized, I have begun reading the historical novel HORSE by Geraldine Brooks. In the book, the former slave, Harry, recalls how he achieved his small stature by having his growth stunted by his owner so he could be a jockey.  As a child if he gained weight, he was only fed one turnip and a pint of milk. . . .

Dollie Cates and Vennie Watson

Both Mattie and G. W. grew up in very poor families who lived in Tennessee and Arkansas.  She was a servant for another family at 12 years old.  He was also "farmed out" as a young teen. Undoubtedly they both had stunted growth.  When G. W. died, Mattie went to live with the Cates family as the house keeper.  Grandma grew up within that family and is even pictured with Dollie.  I think Grandma's height is thanks to the good nutrition provided by the Cates family. (click here for more about the Cates family and us)

So, why am I so "below average" in height?  Looking at photos of Mattie's distant cousins, they were all small.  So Mattie's genes made me naturally small, but nutrition and exercise have helped me attain and  maintain my height.  Like my great grandfather who used his small stature to become a jockey, I turned away from basketball and competed in gymnastics where being small was an advantage.

 G. W. being a jockey also explains why my grandparents went to Fairmount Park every weekend the horses were racing.  Horse racing was in their blood.  And, me?  One of my favorite memories of visiting Dave's parents in Arcadia, California was going to the morning workouts at Santa Anita to watch the horses and jockeys "warming up" before the races.  I may not ride, have never owned a horse, but somewhere in my ancestral past is a love of horse racing.

My Evolving Views on Race, Part IV

 In trying to explain why she couldn't preach outrage over the Trayvon Martin verdict, Nadia Bolz-Weber states, ". .. I could not with any integrity 'stand my  own ground against violence and racism---not because I no longer believed in standing against these things (I do!), but because my own life and my own heart contain too much ambiguity."

"Ambiguity" is precisely what I feel after the Derek Chauvin verdict---not an ambiguity that says "I don't care" but an ambiguity that says I feel deeply for everyone.   I feel strongly that Chauvin was guilty of murder.  I feel strongly about Black Lives Matter.  But, I also am supportive of our police officers.  There would be no celebration regardless of the jury's verdict but a profound sadness for both sides. The verdict will not bring George Floyd back to life.   As Pastor MP said this morning at our Thursday morning discussion, "Derek Chauvin is still a child of God." 

This sad ambiguity is what I feel anytime race is discussed. When I was much younger, I felt the outrage.  I taught the protest songs, the Harlem poets, Black literature.  But, I am older, more experienced and hopefully wiser now. Even during that protest period I realized that a white woman teaching black literature was in some ways condescending---that I had appropriated a culture and a cause that was not my own.

After DNA analysis, it is with some satisfaction I say, "I descend from African slaves."  But after careful genealogical research, I can also say, "I descend from a woman who moved with her slaves into Missouri."  Both statements are true.  In my family history, I have slaves and slave-holders.  I know there are those that say, "it is in our country history"  or "many of us have that in our history, move on".  Until you see the evidence in black and white, you can't know the impact both of those statements have on me, an American.  

Even knowing these facts for several years has not smoothed out the jagged edges of being descended from slave and slave holder.  In some respects, it has become even more difficult to live with.  Recently the Black Lives Matter movement has made me aware of "white privilege".  This made me hurt even more.  Cousins who descended from the same slave I descended from have hurt for many more generation than my family has.  I've traced my line back to the early 1800s,  and they were already passing for white. They had some of that "white privilege" working for them.   And, this hurts me to the bone: knowing that cousins suffered for hundreds of years longer than my family did.

So, how did my family live "white".  First, mixed race was not a big deal in Colonial America.  There simply were not enough European people around.  My earliest known mixing of race was in the late 1600's---English and Native American.  I even qualify for the Jamestown Society based on that family.  But sometime after the Revolution when slavery became more of a political issue, being mixed race was not something talked about.  Many families congregated together forming their own settlements because they didn't really fit in with European, Native American or African communities. (for more on this, click here) Those who favored the European side moved on and passed for white.  During the Jim Crow era, they weren't allowed to be mixed race so they didn't talk about it.  One drop of African blood made them Black. Period.

I inherited West African DNA from my grandmother who was "orphaned" at a young age and didn't know much about her family.  See, it is that easy. Stories, rumors, suspicions are forgotten.  I don't know if my mother suspected. Although she grew up in Arkansas, went bare-foot and spoke with a Southern drawl she would not allow disparaging words about Blacks.  "Your grandpa's best friends have always been Black"  "Growing up, we saw no difference in Black and White---we all just played together."

That is what would make me happy---not taking sides, but just playing together as they did when Mother was a child.  Endless discussions about racism in America give me anxiety because I feel like I should take a stance.  But the stance I want is one that would make no one in that discussion happy.  I want to live in a community where we live side-by-side, go to churches which are integrated, where the children playing on the playground have a range of skin tones.  I want to live in a community where people are judged by their thoughts and not by their skin color. I want to live in a place where people of color can live without fear of being pulled over for simple traffic violations.  

And the slave holding ancestress?  Bringing slaves into a border state was a terrible idea around the Civil War.  She had several children she could live with in eastern Missouri.  She did not choose to live with my ancestor but his brother, Sam.  During the Civil War, Yankee vigilantes arrested Sam and executed him for having slaves.  No trial, no explanation---it was clear that if Sam had slaves, he supported the Confederacy.  (click here and scroll down to Samuel Long) The vigilantes?  They were Germans who had recently emigrated and settled around Big River. I descend from one of those too.  I scream "American".  

For Part III, click here

For Part II, click here

For Part I, click here

What did you do during Covid 19, Great-grandmother?

 I've been an avid genealogist for over 40 years, but the family tree doesn't interest me as much as the

family stories which give me a tiny glimpse into the past.  One of my dad's cousins (David Long) once told me that his grandfather (Thomas Henry Long) talked about living during the Civil War.  The family was living in the stone house (on Stone House Road in Jefferson County) when soldiers stopped by their house.   I don't know why, I don't know which side, I don't know if they stayed, if they threatened them. That's all of the story. The stone house was originally built as a stage coach stop  between De Soto and Hillsboro so it could have had something to do with that.  It's hard to keep stories alive that are 3rd or 4th hand.  For more on the Old Stone House click here.

So, for my great grandchildren, this is a first hand account of living during Covid 19.  I feel bad for the families that have to juggle work and supervising their children's schooling.  I feel bad for the teachers having to revamp their entire teaching method for virtual learning.  I feel bad for the health care workers who are on the front lines for this virus.  I feel bad for my friends in senior living who are often confined to their rooms for quarantine.  I feel bad for the college students who are at the most social time of their lives but are virtual learning and having to stay in small groups.  I do not feel sorry for those who refuse to socially distance themselves, refuse to wear masks, demand in person learning and believe in the politicians who say it's not a big deal, that it is a hoax or it's up to the individual. It is worse in the United States than anywhere in the world because of the failure of our leadership at the state and national level.

I have auto-immune hepatitis and must take drugs to keep my body from rejecting my liver.  The drugs keep me alive but also make me get very sick if I catch anything.  For the past 5 years, I retreat into self-imposed isolation just before Christmas and come out again in March.  Sadly, this March began Covid 19 and I never got to "come out" again.  Instead, we pushed doctor's appointments to the summer because, "it will all be over by the summer." This is August and it's worse than it was in March.  We have had to go to some doctor's appointments and testing but we have had some virtually via the computer or telephone.  In addition to being immune-suppressed, we are both in our 70's which makes it likely that we would not get a "mild case" according to authorities.

I haven't been in a store since early March when I went to Schnucks grocery to shop at 5 AM.  We have everything delivered.  I order our groceries on-line and they are delivered to the door by Instacart.  Other items are delivered by Amazon also to our front door.  We had begun meal delivery service several years ago---the groceries are delivered with menus for me to fix the meals (Hello Fresh and Blue Apron).  Most of our prescription medicines are also delivered.  

Our daughters Rebecca, Rachel and Leah take turns coming to town to help out with chores or shopping that can't be delivered.  They also helped me get Dave (great-grandpa) to the doctor before we had the ramp and lift into the van for his wheel chairs.  I miss not seeing our family members probably the most---no family reunions, no family gatherings, no meet-ups in Columbia, MO, no celebrations for graduations or birthdays.  I am very grateful that I got to at least see all of the grandchildren this summer even if I couldn't hug them or be with them without a mask.

The second thing I miss is going to church where most of our friends are.  I'm very thankful for zoom for small groups, Bible Study, Coffee Klatch, meetings, writing group.  There have been several occasions where people have gotten together "safely" but I had to pass---"getting together safely" is not  possible for me. For many the jazz evening and the drive-in worship  services were healing, but for me it just tears open the wounds.  I am so social that it would break my heart to see people and not be able to hug them, talk to them, see them smile. Several have begun walking together and hiking, but it's still too risky for me. We have worship on Sunday which we watch on the television and can "chat" in a box on the screen.  And that will have to do for now.

The third thing I miss is traveling.  We have been on 19 cruises and I had one scheduled for November 2020 which I've already cancelled.  We have been on a Baltic cruise, a Mediterranean cruise, a trans-Atlantic cruise, a Panama Canal cruise and an Alaskan cruise in addition to the Caribbean and Mexico.  They worked so well after Dave's accident in 2001.  Lately, we rarely got off the ship since he was in a wheel chair, but I could be social while he read on the balcony. I had meals prepared for me and served. and often help with the wheel chair.  In recent years, we often travelled with my brother Jim and his wife Deb or with one of the daughters and families.  Our favorites were the Disney cruises because I felt safer from germs---smaller ships, smaller elevators, fewer people and lots of great help from the staff.

The fourth thing I miss is just shopping---mostly thrift stores where I loved the hunt for a bargain, a collectible or a shirt at a fraction of the cost retail.  But, I also just miss walking up and down the aisles of Target, Ace Hardware or CVS drug store.

So, what am I doing with my time?  Dave needs a lot of help.  We have purchased ramps and motorized wheel chairs, but he still needs help.  I was very sick a few weeks ago with a digestive virus and couldn't come downstairs for almost 24 hours---I was too weak and didn't want him to catch it.  He only ate a granola bar and nuts---never fixed a meal although plenty of food was in the refrigerator.  He was able to get out of bed, into his wheelchair to get to the recliner in the family room.  But, no coffee, no breakfast, no daily pills. 

And what does Dave do with his time?  First, he is quiet and introverted and doesn't need people as much as I do.   He reads the newspaper, spy novels, works crossword puzzles and Sudoko.  He has chores he can do while sitting:  folding laundry, putting silverware in the drawer, paying bills, putting the dirty dishes on the island for me to grab and put in the dishwasher. He also drives to pick up our prescriptions from CVS pharmacy.  I try to have him drive several times a week to keep him sharp.  In the evening we like to watch television---mostly British mysteries from PBS or Acorn streaming service.

I still volunteer for church:  sending cards to shut-ins for the Deacons, selling items on Ebay donated by church members, maintaining the church blog, administrating our church Facebook and Twitter pages, and participating in small group and a Bible study.  I also make phone calls to those who need to hear from church friends.  We reach out to different people each week.  So unlike some, I am not bored.

I also enjoy puzzles:  jigsaw puzzles, Words with Friends and Acrostic puzzles.  As a former reading and English teacher, reading novels are one of the ways I unwind.   According to Good Reads, I've read 22 books in 8 months.  My favorites were Circe, The Dutch House, Before We Were Yours,  All the Ways We Say Goodbye, and a new series by Victoria Thompson which takes place in New York City in the early 1900's. And, of course, there's always genealogy.  My goal was once to trace my ancestry to the "old country" which I now realize is pretty unattainable with all of my mother's family being here in the 1600's.  My new goal is to trace all lines to 5 greats.  As a former teacher, attainable goals are important!

My exercise schedule had taken a real set back 2 years ago when our health club Wellbridge closed.  I never found another club even close to what we had.  We had settled for going to many places to get the services we got there.  Dave went to his personal trainer's house, I went to JCA for pilates, Ballwin Pointe for Zumba, Lifetime Fitness for spa, and Anytime Fitness for Stretch.   Then Covid 19 shut everything down.  My only exercise is Stretch on Zoom 2-3 times a week.  Dave's personal trainer moved to another location and we just started back with her after home health care for several months.

All in all, we have fared better than many.  Because so many were out of work, we have had a lot of work done to our house.  We have had landscaping, a new patio put in, new handrails out the back.  The house has been power washed and the sunroom painted. We had a ramp put in the garage and a new step to the sunroom (to help my knees).  We will be READY to go places and see people when Covid-19 isolation is over.  I am hoping some virtual programs will still be around:  church worship, exercise, doctor's visits because I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable in large groups and waiting rooms.  I am very thankful for the development of these virtual programs, but look forward to the day when I can again hug family and friends and see the smiles on their faces even if I have to remain masked.

How We Met: Poem

Giddy 14 year old 

Meeting  friend’s older brother—Dave,

Easter Sunday at church—

     Looks right over my head

     So handsome, so stuck-up

Invisible

Silly 16 year old

Picking up Dave’s brother for youth group

In my Studebaker rattletrap.

     Never looks up from his chair

     So handsome, so beyond me

Invisible

 “Mature” 22 year old

Living in Whisper Lake Apartments

Dave, Senior Class President, 17

Introduced at a party there.

    Sipping his scotch, no recognition

    So handsome, so arrogant

Invisible

Disinterested 22.5 year old

Double dating with my friend Mary . . .and Dave

      Four of us:  movies and drinks 

      So handsome, so indifferent

Invisible

Confident 23 year old

Asked Mary to join me at a party

She “has a date”—Dave.

He walks into the party without her,

       Sees me glaring at him,

       Asks me to dance.

       So handsome, so clueless

Invisible

When the music stops. . . .

 Eyes flashing, voice trembling in anger,

“Aren’t you supposed to be with Mary?”

Me, Goofball,14

His friend is amused, I am not.

     Shifting from foot to foot,

     He looks at me. His eyes widen in disbelief

     “Don’t tell her you saw me here”.

     “Maybe I will, maybe I won’t”.

He sees me.

Our children ask,

      “How did you and Dad meet?”

“At church”

Thanks to Bill Tucker for "Invisible" when I told the story.

Paris

Paris is one of those places that was never on my bucket list, but it probably should have been.  I first went with a group of middle school students, and then went back the following year, I think.  Dave and I were using frequent flyer miles to go to Scotland, but could only schedule a flight into Paris (home through London).  So, we decided to spend a few days in Paris.

I don't have anything against Paris other than I don't speak French.  My first time (with the students), I had my friend, the French teacher, to help out.  I learned then that the French weren't as bad as I had heard, if I attempted to speak French.  I knew basic greetings, polite language, numbers and the Parisians seemed OK with that---maybe amused, but I could live with amused before the famous French sneer.

View from Eiffel Tower

Me and St. Louis

Notre Dame outside

View from hotel window

So, June 27, 2000, Dave and I were off for Scotland Highlands via Paris.  Our hotel (Hotel Monceau Elysees) was very nice.  Small room but clean and convenient to the Metro.  It was in a nice neighborhood with an outdoor cafe nearby.  No one spoke English and we couldn't get them to understand we wanted dinner, so we had salad.  A husky knew Dave was a soft touch.  Dave resisted feeding him, but the dog still stayed at his feet until the plate was carried off.

June 29, 2000 We had 2 rolls for breakfast, very strong coffee, juice and cereal.  We took the Metro to the Eiffel Tower.  There was hardly any line (we were there at 8:45AM---it opened at 9:15).  It was still cloudy but the sun started to come out as we left.  Then we went to Notre Dame and Saint Chapelle, each interesting in its own way.

We had lunch and then went to the Louvre.  We saw all the "biggies" and left around 5:00.  After strolling down Rue Rialto, we came back to the hotel and rested before we headed to the French Quarter for dinner.

Versailles

Versailles

Françoise d'Aubigné, Marquise de Maintenon

June 30, 2000  Today we went to Versailles by the RER.  Tickets were 29 francs ($4.25) and Versailles was $12.50 which included an hour and a half guided tour.  The Trianon weren't really worth it.  Ride the tram if you want to see them.  A walk to the restaurant at the Grand Canal would have been nice---there was an outdoor cafe.  We saw Madame d'Aubigne's portrait---she is supposedly related to us.  Her half brother is our ancestor.

Then we went to the Latin Quarter where we ate at an Alsatian restaurant.  I had Wiener Schnitzel---should have had something else (note to self---eat French food in France, German food in Germany).  I was disappointed by Versailles---I'd seen too many German castles fully furnished.  I'd been to Herrenchiemsee castle which was modeled on Versailles.  Now granted, Ludwig's beautiful Bavarian castles are not as old nor were they lived in, but they are so impressive.  So much at Versailles was destroyed by the Revolution that they have to re-purchase items.  One piece was recently purchased from Sothebys for 12 million pounds.

July 1, 2000 We got up at 6 AM to take a cab to Gar d' North where we would board the Eurostar train to go to England through the Chunnel.  The customs were a pain as usual with dogs sniffing us.  I loved the train to England though---very comfortable way to travel.

Yes, I kept a journal---I always keep a travel journal.  The problem this time was finding it.  It was in the same notebook as my bucket list. 

Bucket List Part 2

 #21 Visit Hadrian's Wall 1985

It was so cold in June that we had to buy gloves at a local store.

#20 Take the Kids to Europe

Top left photo is Port Isaac in England, bottom right is Linderhof in Germany

#22 Take kids on a train
Britannia Express 1985 took us from Netherlands to Munich, Germany.  We had a sleeper with triple bunks.  I never slept a wink thinking we would be stopped at the border for passports.  But, apparently we were in a sealed car and just sailed through.
 

#23 Live overseas

Photo with students in Memmingen Germany 1967.  To be fair, they were just 1-2 years younger than I was since Gymnasium in Germany goes to the 14th grade.  And, I should have been a Junior or Senior in college.

#24 Go to City Museum

We went with Tom, Donna, Meredith and Glen in 1998.  They couldn't believe the creativity but also worried about the quality of the work and their safety (see bus upper right)

 #25 Visit Savannah, Georgia

We went with Rachel, Kyle and Brett in 2003.  It is as beautiful as I'd heard but the cobblestones. . . .

 #26 Visit Ancestral Home

Park Hall, Healaugh, Yorkshire, England---Alderson Family Home. (Dave's grandmother's family)  Home after 286 years.  We located villages where my family lived but could never pinpoint exactly where they lived.  But still, loved walking the streets of these villages.

 #27. Weigh below 140 lbs.

#28. Stay with Weight Watchers for 6 months.

Photos were 1998 an 2000 Founder's Day Banquets

#30 Take a Cruise

This was our first---a Caribbean cruise in 1996 for our 25th anniversary

 #29 Snorkel in the Caribbean

Actually Dave and I had snorkeled on the 1996 cruise, but we snorkeled with the girls in Cancun also.

 #31 Ride a Double-decker Bus
Actually we usually do that on our first day in London (when we are sleep deprived) but this photos is from Rachel and Kyle's wedding transportation.

#32 Stay in a B & B in the USA

We made a habit of staying in them in Europe with the kids and thought it would be fun to do it in USA.  What were we thinking?  We took 6 kids (ours and Tom and Donna's) to this sleepy little inn in New Hampshire)

 #33 Visit Taliesin in Arizona

Having read Fountainhead, I became interested in Frank Lloyd Wright.  Living near Fallingwater increased my interest.  We visited Taliesin (not really pictured here) in 1997.  We have video tapes for more information.

 #34 Visit Charleston, South Carolina

This was part of a family reunion excursion out to Ft. Sumter.  White haired man is  Uncle Hale, with Michelle, Don, Don, Dave, Rebecca, Leah, Rachel 1983

 #35 Visit Washington D.C.

White House, July 1982

 #36 Go White Water Rafting

1997 Pigeon Forge

Dave, Meredith Me

Rachel, Rebecca, Leah

#37 Take the kids to California

We usually went at Christmas to visit with Dave's parents 1985 and 1986 

 #38 Take the kids to NYC

1986 Statue of Liberty

 #39 Go to Switzerland

Being a fan of Heidi, I took German just so I could go to Switzerland.  Visited Bern in 1966 and Luzern in 1967.  Had my first fondue here.  Have since discovered Dave and I both have ancestors from Switzerland!

 #40 See the pyramids of Mexico

While the girls learned to scuba, Dave and I took an excursion to Chichen Itza.  We climbed to the top---coming down was the challenge!