Grandparents in Covid-times

 After having Covid last Spring, Dave has a persistent "crackling" in lungs and wheezing.  We'll be seeing a pulmonologist this week, but this is more about the mental/emotional state of elderly grandparents.  I remember when we were on lock-down friends with young grandchildren fretted that their young grandchildren would forget them, but it hadn't occurred to many that we could forget our grandchildren.

With our young grandchildren, I started reading books to them on YouTube.  They became so accustomed to seeing me on the television that they would greet me and even wish me a happy birthday.  But, I wasn't seeing them since this was all on YouTube. Our daughter even said at Thanksgiving, "We see you almost every day and forget that you can't see us, too."

Most of our grandchildren were in their pre-teens-early teens when covid lockdown hit.  We missed seeing our family as everyone did, but we hadn't counted on them maturing into adults in the three years we didn't see them.  Having spent a career teaching teenagers, I wasn't surprised at their social distance to us when we saw them---no longer the screaming and running to greet us, but heads buried into phones or going to another room to "be teenagers".  What I hadn't counted on was Dave literally not knowing who they were.

This year, we moved to Kansas City to be closer to our family but the grandsons had grown up so much that Dave was constantly asking, "Who is that?"  He knew these young men were relatives but he thought they might be nephews.  When our grandson Brett (22) came to take Dave to a social gathering here at McCrite, I cautioned him that Grandpa might introduce him as his nephew.  I suggested it might be better if Brett just introduced himself, "I'm Dave's grandson, Brett." 

For Christmas this year, the family gave us Aura which electronically flashes photos every 30 seconds or so.  The family can all contribute photos remotely.  Dave fully recognizes the grandchildren's photos from 10 years ago, but not those after Covid, but he's learning.  Our daughters have uploaded photos all ages and stages of their children (and some photos of their childhood, as well).  Dave no longer watches hours of "Major Crimes" but watches the Aura as the photos flash by. We are able to see the "grands" before, during and after covid-times.  Several of the "grands" have even uploaded their photos with school activities and sports.  Davis is going to Spain for this semester and promises to keep us updated through the app.

Although the photos are generated randomly, I have the setting "on" for "Photo match" which displays photos side by side "creating moments of delight by pairing related photos" which explains pairings like this (Left is my brother and his wife.  Right is our grandson with me)

And this one with Libby, me and my (former) car Olivia. Libby is the current owner of Olivia.

So, we may still be struggling with the physical aspects of covid, but we are healing from the emotional toll it took.

Happy 51st Anniversary

 

I'd hoped at one time to have a 50th Anniversary party with our children, our siblings and a few cousins, but covid came and I was happy we could celebrate with our children and grandchildren (click here).  But, I missed celebrating with siblings.  We had a small family reunion this year with my siblings and our family at the Doubletree in Chesterfield. 

That's been our "go-to" hotel for many years because they have a full health club attached with indoor and outdoor pools and tennis courts.  They also have a small gym for basketball.  With 8 active grandchildren, it's been a wonderful place for the kids to work off some energy at our winter family gatherings.

We swam, played tennis, played games and some even went to the outlets shopping.  Mostly we just hung out and had a great time.  Kansas City, Minneapolis, Rhode Island, Ballwin and Union all came together for a Western Dinner on Saturday night.

We also managed to get some grandchildren photos in front of our house despite several clowning around!

Birth order and ages:  Brett 20, Davis 18, Roman 16, Libby 15, Eli almost 15, Anna 12, Sam 9 and Silas 7.

Watch out world---here we come (until mid December)!

I now have the Covid Booster #3.  Because of medicines I take for auto-immune disease, I never felt like I was fully immunized.  My sister-in-law (Debbie), a liver transplant, is part of a Johns Hopkin's study of people taking immune suppressing drugs.  She got her third shot in August and further testing showed that she was fully immunized, at last.  So, I patiently waited for my turn to get the booster, confident that I, too, will be fully immunized.

Debbie and my brother Jim are so confident of her immunization they are now on a cruise.  After almost two weeks of having the booster, I am feeling more confident that I can  get out, too, but I'm not quite ready for a cruise.  I am ready to get out of the house, though, and explore some places that I haven't seen in more than 3 years:  Missouri Botanical Garden, St. Louis Art Museum, the Butterfly House, Kohl's Department Store, Costco.

Our self-imposed isolation began in December 2018.  Since my diagnosis with auto-immune disease, I traditionally isolate from mid December until mid March.  But, in January 2019, my husband was diagnosed with lymphoma.  So, we never emerged in mid March 2019. . . .  Just as I was beginning to feel confident I could leave him at home alone to have lunch with my sister and cousin in late February 2020, Covid reared its ugly head. 

I took some baby steps in May and June 2021:  I had a pedicure, a hair cut, went to 2 thrift stores, CVS,  Dierberg's and Schnuck's.  We also went to the Doubletree to celebrate our 50th anniversary with our children and their families.  We watched our grandchildren play in the pool, had lunch in a cabana, had a catered dinner in our own hospitality room with some video entertainment put together by our daughters and spent the night at the hotel.  Did I feel safe?  NO!  The hotel was packed with two huge parties none of which wore masks.  I refused to get on an elevator with anyone other than family members.  We only spent one night at the hotel despite paying for two.  We were luckier than many of our friends, though, whose anniversary plans were totally destroyed by Covid.

So, I am ready to step out again for the next two months.  We are not ready to travel or eat in a restaurant.  But, we are ready to visit some much loved places and people.  So, while Jim and Deb are dining on fine cruise cuisine, we will still be eating at home, eating out-doors, getting take out.  While they are seeing the tropical sights in the Bahamas, we will be  enjoying the tropical Butterfly House.  While they are playing socially distanced Bingo, we will be attending socially distanced church one Saturday night.

Baby steps. . . .

Reading on YouTube

 

Several months ago, our daughter asked me to read a book to her children using YouTube.  Since I haven’t spent much time with them this past year, nor can I visit them in their new home, I agreed to give it a try.

First, I needed to buy a tripod for my phone with a halo light—plenty available on Amazon at a reasonable cost.  We also agreed on a book on Eli's reading list— Number the Stars by Lois Lowry—not terrible long and it was one I had previously read.  As a high school student, I had been active in Interpretive reading of poetry and prose—even winning a medal for my reading of William Blake poetry.  I felt like this was a good fit for me since I had also been a secondary reading teacher.

Because my “audience” was grandchildren ages 13-5, I had to explain vocabulary from time to time.  Then, I got the idea to teach them “think-alouds”.  That’s reading a story out loud but also saying the thoughts that run through a person’s head while reading:  making comparisons, asking questions, predicting,  commenting.  Every now and then, I inserted family stories like describing the time I went shopping with my grandmother to look at store-bought dresses.

I had already posted very short videos to YouTube over the years, but this would be my first time recording long pieces.  First thing I had to change was my make up—I had to buy some under eye cover up.  I decided for my first book to record all around the house—I thought the kids would enjoy my constantly changing but familiar chair.  Soon, I realized some places were better than others.  Straight back was better than an easy chair and having the tripod right in front of me was better than across the room.  

My biggest problem was recording in a place which didn’t have the dryer going off, the phone ringing or neighbors walking their dog behind me in the window so the dog could do his “business”.  The halo light has really helped with lighting on cloudy days.  Although I had 3 kinds of light, the soft light seemed to be the most flattering.  But, I needed a controlled environments which I’m still searching for. LOL

While reading Number the Stars to the grandchildren, I was reading Lilac Girls for my own “pleasure” which was too much World War II and the Holocaust.  So, when I finished Number the Stars, I moved on to something lighter—— A Long Way From Chicago by Richard Peck which has a wonderful cast of characters and a lot of humor with main characters being Grandma Dowdle and her two grandchildren visiting from Chicago—Mary Alice and Joey.

I realized by this time, reading to the grandkids was “good” for me.  i dressed carefully for the camera, put make up on each day, and curled my hair.  While reading in other rooms, I realized my husband was listening and chuckling at the right places. So, I moved to the room he was in, so he could listen easier.  It became a part of our daily routine before lunch—something to look forward to.

OK, reading was good for me, entertaining for my husband, but what about the grandkids?  Leah reports listening to me read at lunch has become some of their favorite times of the day.  Click here for all of my videos, or below for the first one.

Tootsie Roll Can

Our youngest grandchild showed me some pennies he had in his pocket.  “Are those your pennies?”  He shook his head  no, “I found them.”

“Ah”, I said,” that’s  God’s money!  If the money isn’t yours and you don’t know who it belongs to, we have a special place for that money—the Tootsie Roll Can I keep in the laundry room. That money goes to charity or church because we don’t know whose money it is."  He dutifully put the money in the Tootsie Roll Bank.

What I never told anyone was the back story to “God’s money”.  My mother was a beautician and had lots of coins from tips.  Of course I was taught that taking money out of her wallet was stealing, but what about money she’d just thrown in the bottom of her purse?  I had found a loop-hole!  If I wanted to go to the corner market to buy some candy, I’d just go to Mom’s purse, root around until I found some loose change, or I’d go to  her room to see if some change had fallen out of her purse.  With coins in my hand, off I’d go.

After awhile, my mother caught on and asked me where I was getting the money. 

 “I found it.”  

“Did you find it in my wallet?”  

“No, that would be stealing”

“Where did you find it?”

“On the floor”

“Is that your money”

“No”

“Well, if you found that money, it’s not yours. And if you don’t know who it belongs to, then it is God’s money and you can put it in the offering at Sunday School.”

When I saw my own children following in the footsteps of their loop-hole-finding-mother, I grabbed a bank—a Tootsie Roll can—and declared that we would put “found” money in that.  So, if they left a dollar in their pants when I did laundry, it would go in that can which sits in my laundry room.  

I continue this tradition today.  If I find money on a sidewalk or in a parking lot, it’s God’s money.  If I find it in the washing machine, it’s God’s money.  If I find money in the bottom of my purse or in the car, it’s God’s money.  I am happy to pass that tradition on to my grandchildren.

Wii Life

Being immune suppressed is particularly challenging in the winter which is flu and cold season.  Working out is one of the challenges since going to a gym is out of the question as is walking on icy sidewalks.  For several years, I’ve gone to my “WII Fit “for work outs never realizing it also was a psychological outlet for being socially isolated.  

At Thanksgiving, one of my grandsons told me, “Grandma, I think your Wii is dying”.  Thinking it was the disk, I ordered a new one.  

After a hectic December, I went downstairs to play Wii in January and even with the new disk, I got nothing.  One daughter said, “Why don’t you get an Xbox?”  Another daughter, in the middle of a move, said, “We just got rid of ours.” My third daughter still had one and said she would bring it the next time she visited.  With everything else going on in my life, I needed the Wii NOW, so I ordered one on-line.

I hooked it all up and got ready. . . .it was clearly not MY Wii.  I had to create a new Mii (the digital me) with gray hair not red, it didn’t welcome me to my 3578th day using it, I had to go through each activity as if I’d never done it before.  But none of that mattered compared to losing my tribe.

When I had first gotten the Wii, years ago when it was the new gaming system on the block, everyone in the family created their own Mii, and we had contests to see who was better at being a penguin sliding on ice catching fish and who was a juggling champion.  I no longer had those Miis and I no longer had the records to try to beat.

I was miserable doing steps without Jason by my side or running and not seeing Taryn bop by with her pony tails or without Leah behind me in Kung Fu.  I hadn’t realized that having these digital loved ones had helped with my winter isolation.  It was the “straw” that broke my back.  

When the girls and their families came for their February visits, I had one request, “Come down and play Wii with me.  I need to have some familiar faces—I’m tried of working out with all of these weirdos and strangers.”  Although weighing in was sometimes painful for them, each daughter went down and created her new Mii.  The grandchildren created theirs and we all started playing Wii Fit, Wii Party, Wii Sports.  

We had a great time challenging each other.  The grandchildren saw that Grandma was quite the golfer (on Wii) and we laughed  at the silliness of some of the challenges.  Rachel was #1 as always in the marching band baton exercise until Roman came a few weeks later and had a perfect score. We played and laughed and exercised for hours.  My cup was re-filled.

Now, I can go downstairs, fire up the Wii and bicycle past all of those wonderful faces (and a few grandson-made-Miis like Michael Jackson, Darth Vader and Winnie the Pooh) remembering the fun we had this very difficult winter.  I can run past cheering family members urging me on.  And I am happy.

My Tribe, putting the WE in Wii

Disney Wonder Part 6

Although we had been on Disney Wonder twice before, changes had been made since we were last on it 3 years ago.  The first change was in the Atrium area where the ceiling lighting had been made into beautiful poinsettias.  We had travelled at Christmas before but I'm pretty sure that was new.  The whole Atrium area was very festive with the Gingerbread House also moved there.

The other change I noticed immediately was our room.  I'd looked on several ship maps and it appeared to be standard size which I was very concerned about:  how were we going to manage in such a small handicapped room?  After some digging, I discovered they had taken out a stair case to expand this room---notice the column---everything to the right was expansion.  The balcony was still quite small---more like a standard room.  The bathroom (1) was quite a nice size and Dave liked the shower (many Disney state rooms have 2 "bathrooms":  one with a tub and one with a toilet but I think both have sinks)

There were a few noticeable changes in the dining rooms as well.  Sam and Silas were introduced to "Shirley Temples" AKA Charlie Temples and Cherry Temples.  I know those cost extra before as did any carbonated drinks in the dining rooms, but they had several each night at no charge. We already mentioned Tianna's Place with a New Orleans theme, but Animator's Palate also had a design change---it now included the animated drawings that we made.  We had done that on Disney Fantasy with Roman so I was really excited that it was on Wonder now.  Basically, you draw on a template and it is "magically" animated on a screen.  The next morning, we had breakfast at 6:45 and were off the ship, in our van and on our way home by 9:30 AM.  Another wonderful cruise, Disney (other than getting sick)

Disney Wonder Part 5: Princesses and Prince

Dec. 12 (at sea):  Anna (above) really liked this photo because the reflection made her dress look like water---we had several events today (after walking around the ship some):  Meeting the Princesses, A Frozen Event, Frozen the Muisical and Formal night in Triton's.  Anna is past dressing up for these events but was still interested in them.  Sam  was a little "star-struck" with the Princesses and disappointed they didn't have Olaf at the "Frozen Event".  Silas watched everything and didn't want to participate.

 Our wait staff didn't disappoint---they had magic tricks which Anna and the girls at the next table really enjoyed!  Triton's is more like an adult restaurant on other cruise ships---elegant but doesn't have the "bells and whistles" the other restaurants have.  So, Joshue entertaining with magic tricks was just what was needed.

Disney Wonder 3

 Day 3  (Dec. 9) was Key West.  We stayed on board since Dave wasn't feeling well enough to go ashore. We went to the Medical Health Center where he was prescribed another round of antibiotics. The weather was in the 80's so we had lunch outside on the deck and enjoyed the weather.

 That night the little boys had 2 treats at dinner:  corn dogs and Mickey!

 Day 4 Castaway Cay Day---didn't happen.  We had all been looking forward to getting some beach time, but the winds didn't co-operate.  After multiple tries, the captain had to give up.  So, we had another "Day at Sea".  Fortunately, our room was so spacious, it was an alternative place to go.  Anna loved that we were just below the Buffet deck---she often popped up for a beverage, cookie or ice cream cone.  She was one of our "room-mates".  She loved making her own space with the curtain and "coffee table".

 That evening was Pirate Night---always a fun event ending in a deck party with fireworks!