Upon reading The Only Woman in the Room

 Book Club here at McCrite read and discussed two similar books:  Fast Girls about the 1936 Women's Olympic Track team and The Only Woman in the Room about Hedy Lamarr, movie star and inventor.  The theme was similar---women struggling to break through that "glass ceiling" allowing them to be successful in a male dominated world.

The discussion here was a little like a therapy session---many of us giving examples of hitting that "glass ceiling" and with some of us breaking it.  The most disturbing story was from Marsha who told us she was a twin.He was always put ahead of her:  she got used to taking a back seat.  Marsha celebrated her 90th birthday that same week with a party.  Her daughter filled us in on more details.  When the twins were born, they only weighted about 5 lbs together.  Marsha was literally pushed aside with all care and attention going to her brother to ensure his survival----not hers.

Anita told of several generations of men in her family who encouraged her, her grandmother and her daughter to compete in a "men's world".  Her daughter as a child said she wanted to go to Harvard Law School like her father, and they never discouraged her despite Harvard not allowing women to attend school there.  By the time her daughter was old enough to apply, they were accepting females students.

My story was somewhere in between Marsha's and Anita's.  First I wanted to be a farmer, but my grandmother said, "how about a farmer's wife?"  Then in high school "career day", I signed up to learn about the FBI, walked in the room and was told, "there are no females in the FBI."  I felt belittled, embarassed and angry.  It wasn't about the FBI, but being told I couldn't do something.  So, instead I chipped away at that glass ceiling trying to prove I could compete equally.  By my senior year, I was president of International Club, Museum Club and Church Youth Group.  I tied my friend Randy for the number of organizations we were president of and that felt good.

I started college wanting to be a pastor.  I majored in English, German and minored in history to prepare myself for seminary.  I knew women went to seminary---one of our youth directors was Judith Craig, a student at Eden Seminary.  What I didn't know was, women could go to seminary, take classes, but they were "ordained" as Christian Educators and not pastors.  I'd led the youth group at church, been on the Board, preached sermons, taught Bible School but that wasn't enough because I was a female.  So, I shut that door and decided to be a public school English/German teacher. 

I've always been pretty good at making lemonade when life handed me lemons.   I couldn't go to seminary, but how about trying out for that exchange program my college had with Memmingen, Germany. In the past, the candidates had only been male college graduates but I was a female undergraduate.  The exchange student sent that year had been a brilliant student of German, but socially he had failed miserably in Germany. They were looking for someone more social and out-going---not someone who sat in his room, studied and read.  Would I interact with my students? Would I be willing to speak before groups of adults? Would I try to make my lessons interesting for the students?  Yes, yes, yes. If I was an undergraduate, then I couldn't go to the University in Munich and I couldn't have a Fulbright Scholarship as the previous recipients had.  I was OK with all of that.  So, off I went:  the first female and the first undergraduate exchange student to Memmingen. Chipping away at that glass ceiling.

Later I married, had three lovely daughters but others were also chipping away at the glass ceiling, too.  Doors and careers were opening up.  Women could be lawyers, Presbyterian pastors, business women not just teachers, nurses, stewardesses and secretaries.  I'd been very active at church, chaired a pastor search committee, been Sunday School Superintendent, written curriculum, given workshops, but then I was asked to be an elder on Session.  I loved teaching not ruling.  Yes, I'd had leadership positions but it was no longer something I craved.  I looked at my three daughters, stood up straight and became an elder so they could see women could do this.  After a year on session, I was elected Clerk of Session (the lay leader), a job I really did not want, but felt like I needed to take on.  I was the first female Clerk of Session at St. Mark Presbyterian.  Others had been asked and turned it down, but I didn't think I would be a very good role model for my daughters if I turned my back on being the lay leader of our church.   Chipping away.

After serving as an elder on Session, my daughters were getting older so I needed to start thinking about going back to work but felt like I needed to go back to college to brush up my skills.  A mom that I volunteered with at Henry School was talking about going to Eden Seminary.  I perked up thinking maybe I could be that pastor after all.  I prayed, I thought, I made lists of pros and cons and decided to keep that door shut.  My family and my daughters meant a lot to me.  If I became a pastor, they would suffer----the timing was not right.  I wanted us to continue worshipping as a family and not have them go to St. Mark (where their friends were) while I pastored another church.  I knew I could do it, but did I really want to do that to my family?

There comes a time when focused goals become less important than the big picture.  I did go back to school to brush up on my skills and got a master's in reading.  I started subbing in the schools where my daughters attended which was a pretty easy transition (basically I was being paid to do things I'd been volunteering to do before). The extra money helped pay for my tuition.  I eventually was hired as a part-time teacher, part-time aide in reading and English as Second Language:  the transitions were smooth with hardly a ripple in our family time. By the time I was finished with graduate school, Rebecca was off to college and I applied for full-time teaching positions:  German, Reading, English as Second Language.  I don't regret any of my decisions:  I'd helped other women, helped my family and was able to grow.

Recently, I was cleaning out some files and found my passport from 1972.  Remember, I'd been to Germany for a year on a passport issued in 1967.  But this 1972 passport really made me sit back and take a deep breath.  I hadn't fully realized how far we've come until I saw it.  Grandpa has his full name, birthdate, birthplace, a description of how he looked and I had "Jaclyn"  that's all--not even my full name.  Anyone seeing that passport would have thought, I had been nothing more than a spouse tagging along like a dutiful little woman. I'd planned the trip (Grandpa had never been to Europe), I spoke the language and had to do all of the speaking, translating, purchasing.  I had been in charge of the entire trip but my passport said I was "Jaclyn".

THAT is the reason for this message to my granddaughters----Marsha, Anita, thousands of women and I have worked very hard to give you your life, your choices, your freedom.  PLEASE, do not forget that glass ceiling was chipped away by some very determined women.  Don't forget.

The fight is not over---the Glass Ceiling still exists.  Caitlin Clark, basketball phenom.  She is expected to earn $76,000 as #1 female rookie in professional basketball compared to her male counterpart who will earn between 7 and 11 million dollars.  The NCAA women's tournament had more viewers than the men's tournament and yet, the women's programs got far less money. (click here)

Lessons:  Don't be afraid to stretch yourself but also don't be afraid to step back and say, "this is not the right time, the right place for me right now." 

Pray for help and guidance.  Listen for answers.

Encourage other women---don't tear them down.  Even if you disagree with them and don't like them. If they are working to make a better world for you, your children and grandchildren, thank them. 

Intentional vs. Accidental

 In our Thursday morning church discussion last week of Nadia Bolz-Weber's book Accidental Saints, several in the discussion indicated that intentionally being Christian was important to them.  How could they do that and be an "accidental saint", someone who stumbles into being Christ-like?

As a teacher, I would compare it to my teaching.  I intentionally made daily lesson plans with goals, objectives, activities, but occasionally a student would ask a question that to answer it would keep me from achieving those daily goals.  I would have to weigh it --- stick to my intentional plan or shut my plan book and teach a whole new lesson---an accidental lesson.  This is called a "teachable moment"---giving the lesson that is needed not the one that was planned.

I often had this situation when I was teaching English as Second Language.  The students would ask a  language question  or cultural question not in my plan book.  One year I was teaching in a district that was so rigid that they didn't really support the "teachable moment".  All material to be copied needed to be submitted a week in advance, had to be approved by the principal---no exceptions.  So, if a family of 3 from Taiwan moved into the district, I couldn't have work for them because I had only 10 copies that had been pre-approved 10 days earlier.  But, even worse was not being able to teach to the questions that popped up almost daily.  I by-passed the red tape by getting copies at Kinko's, paying for them myself (and ultimately finding another district to work in).

Can you imagine a baseball team manager playing a game intentionally without allowing the accidental.  They would print up the roster and could not change it.  If a player became injured, wasn't playing well, or thrown out of the game, the game would have to be played as"intended." Or a coach who can't  change the game plan?

Most of us aren't teachers or baseball managers but practicing Christians.  We can have a plan each morning to read the Bible, pray before meals, donate food to Circle of Concern, but if we don't keep our hearts open, we've missed the point.  The difficult conversation about race may help you understand your neighbor better. The telephone call interrupting your Bible study may be helping a friend who needs a listening ear.  Letting someone ahead of you on Manchester Road on your way to Circle may help a mother running late picking her child up on time. Paying it forward at McDonald's may help the man who just realized he left his wallet at home.   All are opportunities to put our Christian principles to work without knowing it ahead of time..  By deviating from our intentional practices, getting out of our comfort zone, we can often become the saints we want to be:  accidental saints.

Reading on YouTube

 

Several months ago, our daughter asked me to read a book to her children using YouTube.  Since I haven’t spent much time with them this past year, nor can I visit them in their new home, I agreed to give it a try.

First, I needed to buy a tripod for my phone with a halo light—plenty available on Amazon at a reasonable cost.  We also agreed on a book on Eli's reading list— Number the Stars by Lois Lowry—not terrible long and it was one I had previously read.  As a high school student, I had been active in Interpretive reading of poetry and prose—even winning a medal for my reading of William Blake poetry.  I felt like this was a good fit for me since I had also been a secondary reading teacher.

Because my “audience” was grandchildren ages 13-5, I had to explain vocabulary from time to time.  Then, I got the idea to teach them “think-alouds”.  That’s reading a story out loud but also saying the thoughts that run through a person’s head while reading:  making comparisons, asking questions, predicting,  commenting.  Every now and then, I inserted family stories like describing the time I went shopping with my grandmother to look at store-bought dresses.

I had already posted very short videos to YouTube over the years, but this would be my first time recording long pieces.  First thing I had to change was my make up—I had to buy some under eye cover up.  I decided for my first book to record all around the house—I thought the kids would enjoy my constantly changing but familiar chair.  Soon, I realized some places were better than others.  Straight back was better than an easy chair and having the tripod right in front of me was better than across the room.  

My biggest problem was recording in a place which didn’t have the dryer going off, the phone ringing or neighbors walking their dog behind me in the window so the dog could do his “business”.  The halo light has really helped with lighting on cloudy days.  Although I had 3 kinds of light, the soft light seemed to be the most flattering.  But, I needed a controlled environments which I’m still searching for. LOL

While reading Number the Stars to the grandchildren, I was reading Lilac Girls for my own “pleasure” which was too much World War II and the Holocaust.  So, when I finished Number the Stars, I moved on to something lighter—— A Long Way From Chicago by Richard Peck which has a wonderful cast of characters and a lot of humor with main characters being Grandma Dowdle and her two grandchildren visiting from Chicago—Mary Alice and Joey.

I realized by this time, reading to the grandkids was “good” for me.  i dressed carefully for the camera, put make up on each day, and curled my hair.  While reading in other rooms, I realized my husband was listening and chuckling at the right places. So, I moved to the room he was in, so he could listen easier.  It became a part of our daily routine before lunch—something to look forward to.

OK, reading was good for me, entertaining for my husband, but what about the grandkids?  Leah reports listening to me read at lunch has become some of their favorite times of the day.  Click here for all of my videos, or below for the first one.

Bucket List Part 3

41. Go on a Rhine River Cruise

Unlike today's river cruises, this one required us to take a train to Koblenz and then get on a boat to "cruise" the river---so many castles and the Lorelei Rock

 #42 Ski in Colorado
This is Keystone 1988.

#43 Visit Disney World

We had visited Disneyland several times but went to Disney World in 1987 with Tom, Donna, Dale, Meredith and Glen.  Yes, Rebecca, it is exhausting!

 #44. Visit San Francisco and Monterrey Bay

We first visited in 1971 when we took Dave's parents car out there.  We re-visited in 1985 when I won 2 tickets on TWA.  We visited the wine country most of the time.

 #46 Visit Bath, England
June 1985.  We have also visited Baden-Baden Germany an equally beautiful "Roman bath" city.

 #45 Fly in an airplane
My first flight was going to Germany in 1966.  The photos below had our son-in-law Kyle as the pilot out of Spirit of St. Louis.  The only passengers were Rachel, Dave and I. We were able to fly over Lake Sherwood where my parents lived. Dec. 2000.

 #47 Get a mink coat/jacket
Daughter Rebecca helped her dad pick it out.  Think she enjoyed that?

 #48 Go on the Brussel's Ferry and eat at the hotel on the Mississippi River
Our first anniversary June 12, 1972

 #49 Go to the summit of a mountain
This was Nebelhorn in 1967.  We went up in a cable car.  My friends skied down, I took the cable car back down.  There was a restaurant and a bar made of snow---see slides for this.

 #50 Go to Niagara Falls
We took the girls in 1956.  We have a better photos somewhere with all of us in slickers going under the Falls.

 #51 Marry Prince Charming

 #52 Be selected for National Honor Society
#53 Be selected for Delta Delta Delta
#54 Be selected for Who's Who

 #55 Learn Cross-country skiing
We actually learned living in Pittsburgh but didn't get our own skis until St. Louis.  I used to ski in our back yard and at Queeny Park (alone) until I almost wound up in a pond there.

#56 Witness an Olympic event

1984 Passing of the torch on Clayton Rd. less than a mile from our house

 #57 Quit smoking
My last pack of cigarettes!

 #61 See the Berlin Wall
New Years 1966-67

 #58 Read all Mark Twain Nominees for a year
#59 Read 20 of Oprah's Book Club
#60 Read 20 Newbery Medal winners

 #62 Visit Venice
I visited with a group of students as part of their class trip in 1967

 #63 Travel Highway 94 from the beginning to the end

That's all I have in my scrapbook

Spine Poetry

My former teaching colleague posted this on Facebook---Spine Poetry in honor of April being Poetry Month.   You pick books, stack them and voila--poetry.  "You are not so smart, Thinking, fast and slow, This will make you smarter."

So, I wanted to do it, using one of my friend's books: "The Red Tent, The Red Desk, The Crimson Petal and the White: Mind Games".

 This was my first attempt---the bottom two books were easy, but finding the right first book was the hard part:  "The Memory Keeper's Daughter, Eats, Shoots, and Leaves, When Elephants Weep."

This one proves you can get a great grouping, but if the books are the wrong size, or the writing goes the wrong way on the spine, the effect is not as good:  The Fatal Shore, Check-out Time, The Reckoning:  Ashes to Ashes.

I am only using books that were found on my book shelves: "The War of the Worlds:  A Thousand Splendid Suns, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil."

I wanted one that had a local flavor---Tower Grove Park---my favorite park.  I was so lucky to have grown up across the street from it:  "Then Sings My Soul:  Walking in Tower Grove Park, Where We Live."

I decided the books should reflect me and my reading interests, so I came up with "Slaves in the Family---I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.  Bitter Harvest."  Now, sometimes the tricky part is getting them in the right order.  Maybe I should have ended with "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings".

This is one which reflects my love of history, plays on words and my sometimes random grouping of ideas.

I decided to see if I could come up with some DVD poetry: "Finding Nemo? Off limits. O, Brother, Where are thou?  Finding Neverland. . . ."  Somehow, more thought provoking than I thought I could get with our large collection of Disney, Sci Fi and History collection.

Now, that I've cleaned off my book shelves, maybe I need to set some aside for the ABC Sale at church. . . .

Reading, Writing, 'Rithmetic

Last weekend, the Twenter family came to visit after Libby had been to the school Book Fair.
She had bought the book Fancy Nancy which she read to her cousin Anna.


Grandpa tried to read The Little Engine That Could to the Girls.


Sunday, Davis and Libby circled toys they wanted for Christmas while Brett. . .
had hot chocolate and did some math work.
We had a rip-roaring time, but wished Roman could have joined us. We will ALL be together soon.

Winter Books

Our Book Club at church was reading The Book Thief which I'd wanted to read for quite awhile. Although I knew I couldn't go to club that month, I still read it. It was World War II Nazi Germany narrated by Death. The main character is a girl whose habit of stealing books kept her alive physically and emotionally. It was very well-done although the narrator Death was a little off-putting. But, it is a German book that was translated and after reading Kafka's Metamorphosis (in German, I might add, so thought I was mis-translating when the main character turned into an insect), I can expect anything in German literature.

That was followed by The Good Earth by Pearl Buck. While others enjoyed re-reading a classic they'd read 30-40 years ago, I did not. I loved it when I read it as a teenager, but just became angry at the role of women in that culture in that time. I couldn't get past that and couldn't enjoy it.

Next, was the very light Redbird at Christmas by Fannie Flagg. This was about a Chicago man who goes to Alabama to live, for his health. (It reminded me to get my reservations for Spring Break. . .the book takes place close to Perdido Key where we like to vacation.) There are many loveable characters, but most of us in Book Club thought the end was hurried. And, although we'd have enjoyed a sequel, we had the feeling Fannie Flagg either didn't want to write anymore about them or her editor didn't want anymore. But, take away the last chapter and it could have been another Mitford Series set in southern Alabama rather than North Carolina.

January's book club selection was Moonflower Vine by Jetta Carleton a "rediscovered classic". It is a fictional memoir about a family with four daughters in rural southwest Missouri in the early 1900's. Each section is told from a different family member's point of view---some events are repeated, but I really liked how the author moved the story forward while reflecting the various points of view rather than rehashing the same event six times. The family's story, like the moonflower, gradually unfolds.

Just for fun, I read the Spellman Files by Liza Lutz---a witty, crazy book about a family of private investigators who can't help but spy on each other. It was fun, but I'm not sure I can handle more of the same in the next book---there are only so many times I can read about them taking a hammer to each others' tail lights and head lights.

Now, I'm reading Sarah's Key for Book Club. Although I'm a little "tired" of Nazi era books, this one takes place in Paris. I'm not very far along, but I really enjoy the double story line---Sarah, a young Jewish girl in Vichy France and Julia Jarmond an American journalist living in Paris in the 21st century researching an event most Parisians want to forget about.

The 19th Wife: A novel

A group at church is reading this book for an August book club. Since I've vowed not to buy any books, I'm at the mercy of friends or the county library. Well, the book came in just as I finished June's book--The Guersey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society.

Having been to Nauvoo, IL last fall, this book put people in that abandoned village. Although this is billed as a historical novel, it is based on the autobiographical book written in the 1800's, Wife No. 19 by Ann Eliza Young, Brigham Young's 19th wife.

It's pretty unusual for a novel to have a list of sources, but the author David Ebershoff has a page and a half of sources below (double click to read them).

But, he also acknowledges that many of the "documents" were written by himself.
Like the Guernsy. . .Society novel, this novel has a variety of "voices" One voice is Jordan Scott, a gay young man in the present who is investigating the death of his father in order to save his mother,"the 19th wife" of polygamous family in Utah. She has been arrested for his father's death.At first, this was the most interesting story-line, but gradually Ann Eliza's story became very riveting---the story of an independent woman in the 19th century and how she became Brigham Young's wife. In every way it is central to the story even the one in the present. The events of her era are reverberating through Utah today. Not only did I learn a great deal about the early years of Mormonism, I learned about the culture and how it has evolved. Below is an excerpt from the Ann Eliza story.
Interspersed are "documents" which made the novel seem more authentic.
One of the saddest parts of the story was finding that no one knows what happened to Ann Eliza---not even her own family although some suspect she was "quieted" by her brother and the rest of the "Firsts". That brings the story full circle back to the Jordan Scott story-line which is about the "Firsts" who live today on the Utah and Arizona border.