Book Club here at McCrite read and discussed two similar books: Fast Girls about the 1936 Women's Olympic Track team and The Only Woman in the Room about Hedy Lamarr, movie star and inventor. The theme was similar---women struggling to break through that "glass ceiling" allowing them to be successful in a male dominated world.
The discussion here was a little like a therapy session---many of us giving examples of hitting that "glass ceiling" and with some of us breaking it. The most disturbing story was from Marsha who told us she was a twin.He was always put ahead of her: she got used to taking a back seat. Marsha celebrated her 90th birthday that same week with a party. Her daughter filled us in on more details. When the twins were born, they only weighted about 5 lbs together. Marsha was literally pushed aside with all care and attention going to her brother to ensure his survival----not hers.
Anita told of several generations of men in her family who encouraged her, her grandmother and her daughter to compete in a "men's world". Her daughter as a child said she wanted to go to Harvard Law School like her father, and they never discouraged her despite Harvard not allowing women to attend school there. By the time her daughter was old enough to apply, they were accepting females students.
My story was somewhere in between Marsha's and Anita's. First I wanted to be a farmer, but my grandmother said, "how about a farmer's wife?" Then in high school "career day", I signed up to learn about the FBI, walked in the room and was told, "there are no females in the FBI." I felt belittled, embarassed and angry. It wasn't about the FBI, but being told I couldn't do something. So, instead I chipped away at that glass ceiling trying to prove I could compete equally. By my senior year, I was president of International Club, Museum Club and Church Youth Group. I tied my friend Randy for the number of organizations we were president of and that felt good.
I started college wanting to be a pastor. I majored in English, German and minored in history to prepare myself for seminary. I knew women went to seminary---one of our youth directors was Judith Craig, a student at Eden Seminary. What I didn't know was, women could go to seminary, take classes, but they were "ordained" as Christian Educators and not pastors. I'd led the youth group at church, been on the Board, preached sermons, taught Bible School but that wasn't enough because I was a female. So, I shut that door and decided to be a public school English/German teacher.
I've always been pretty good at making lemonade when life handed me lemons. I couldn't go to seminary, but how about trying out for that exchange program my college had with Memmingen, Germany. In the past, the candidates had only been male college graduates but I was a female undergraduate. The exchange student sent that year had been a brilliant student of German, but socially he had failed miserably in Germany. They were looking for someone more social and out-going---not someone who sat in his room, studied and read. Would I interact with my students? Would I be willing to speak before groups of adults? Would I try to make my lessons interesting for the students? Yes, yes, yes. If I was an undergraduate, then I couldn't go to the University in Munich and I couldn't have a Fulbright Scholarship as the previous recipients had. I was OK with all of that. So, off I went: the first female and the first undergraduate exchange student to Memmingen. Chipping away at that glass ceiling.
Later I married, had three lovely daughters but others were also chipping away at the glass ceiling, too. Doors and careers were opening up. Women could be lawyers, Presbyterian pastors, business women not just teachers, nurses, stewardesses and secretaries. I'd been very active at church, chaired a pastor search committee, been Sunday School Superintendent, written curriculum, given workshops, but then I was asked to be an elder on Session. I loved teaching not ruling. Yes, I'd had leadership positions but it was no longer something I craved. I looked at my three daughters, stood up straight and became an elder so they could see women could do this. After a year on session, I was elected Clerk of Session (the lay leader), a job I really did not want, but felt like I needed to take on. I was the first female Clerk of Session at St. Mark Presbyterian. Others had been asked and turned it down, but I didn't think I would be a very good role model for my daughters if I turned my back on being the lay leader of our church. Chipping away.
After serving as an elder on Session, my daughters were getting older so I needed to start thinking about going back to work but felt like I needed to go back to college to brush up my skills. A mom that I volunteered with at Henry School was talking about going to Eden Seminary. I perked up thinking maybe I could be that pastor after all. I prayed, I thought, I made lists of pros and cons and decided to keep that door shut. My family and my daughters meant a lot to me. If I became a pastor, they would suffer----the timing was not right. I wanted us to continue worshipping as a family and not have them go to St. Mark (where their friends were) while I pastored another church. I knew I could do it, but did I really want to do that to my family?
There comes a time when focused goals become less important than the big picture. I did go back to school to brush up on my skills and got a master's in reading. I started subbing in the schools where my daughters attended which was a pretty easy transition (basically I was being paid to do things I'd been volunteering to do before). The extra money helped pay for my tuition. I eventually was hired as a part-time teacher, part-time aide in reading and English as Second Language: the transitions were smooth with hardly a ripple in our family time. By the time I was finished with graduate school, Rebecca was off to college and I applied for full-time teaching positions: German, Reading, English as Second Language. I don't regret any of my decisions: I'd helped other women, helped my family and was able to grow.
Recently, I was cleaning out some files and found my passport from 1972. Remember, I'd been to Germany for a year on a passport issued in 1967. But this 1972 passport really made me sit back and take a deep breath. I hadn't fully realized how far we've come until I saw it. Grandpa has his full name, birthdate, birthplace, a description of how he looked and I had "Jaclyn" that's all--not even my full name. Anyone seeing that passport would have thought, I had been nothing more than a spouse tagging along like a dutiful little woman. I'd planned the trip (Grandpa had never been to Europe), I spoke the language and had to do all of the speaking, translating, purchasing. I had been in charge of the entire trip but my passport said I was "Jaclyn".
THAT is the reason for this message to my granddaughters----Marsha, Anita, thousands of women and I have worked very hard to give you your life, your choices, your freedom. PLEASE, do not forget that glass ceiling was chipped away by some very determined women. Don't forget.
The fight is not over---the Glass Ceiling still exists. Caitlin Clark, basketball phenom. She is expected to earn $76,000 as #1 female rookie in professional basketball compared to her male counterpart who will earn between 7 and 11 million dollars. The NCAA women's tournament had more viewers than the men's tournament and yet, the women's programs got far less money. (click here)
Lessons: Don't be afraid to stretch yourself but also don't be afraid to step back and say, "this is not the right time, the right place for me right now."
Pray for help and guidance. Listen for answers.
Encourage other women---don't tear them down. Even if you disagree with them and don't like them. If they are working to make a better world for you, your children and grandchildren, thank them.
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