No Joy in Advent

 I’ve felt loss at Christmas:

my grandmother, Dave’s parents

my mother, and now Dave.

I could be happy but joy? seldom.

I could be happy to be with family,

Happy the Christmas blogs were ready,

Happy we made it home safely

After driving through an ice storm,

But not joy.

I struggled through Christmas parties

And even large family gatherings.

Putting on my smiling face, 

Tryiing to capture others’ joy

with hugs.

But I couldn’t find Joy.

I struggled trying to decorate for Christmas.

First the Nativity:  Dad made the manger;

Mom made the ceramic figures.

Next, came Christmas cards,

Writing humorous letters.

Trying to find Joy.

I  bought gifts for everyone, 

First, going into crowds, 

standing in lines at the stores

Then, ordering by catalgue

But, finally giving up and 

writing checks

Singing Christmas carols in a choir,

Watching faces light up upon 

Unwrapping gifts,

Sitting in a chair in the library,

Watching the fireplace by the ight of a tree,

Still no Joy.

Hanging our two Christmas stockings

A cherished gift from Mom.

I cried.

Maybe joy is asking too much.

An unattainable goal,

An emotion of childhood.

If there’s no Joy, 

What is there?

I’m surrounded by Love and

I can Hope that the new year will 

Bring me Peace.

But Joy is a lonely pink candle

Waiting to be lit.

Wait

 

Wait

Titus 2:11-14New International Version (NIV)

11 For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13 while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

The Friendship Tree

"Please take my house plants home with you until we get settled in our new home."  Loaded into our van were Doug's prize-winning coleus, Harry's plant from his office, Jane's poinsettia (bought to lift their spirits while preparing for a move after Christmas) and a lovely little Norfolk pine.

After we got home, we put them all into our sunroom and forgot about them in our frenzy of Christmas decorating.  One afternoon, I sat out in the sunroom reading our Christmas cards.  With each card came a wave of memories shared with each sender.  While reflecting on these memories, I glanced into the family room at our beautifully adorned Christmas tree.   Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that little Norfolk pine looking like the lovely but sad Cinderella next to her fancy step-sister.

My mind, still filled with memories of friends, wandered briefly to that Norfolk pine which seemed to need some cheering up.  I glanced back at my Christmas cards and saw a photo of a high school friend with her family.  Inspiration send me running in all directions for a pencil, ribbon, scissors, cookie cutters, a hole puncher and all those photos saved from Christmas cards over the years.

After tracing the shape of the cookie cutter on the back of each photo, I cut it out, put a piece of ribbon through a hole and tied it onto the Norfolk Pine Soon, we had our "Friendship Tree"---a visual reminder of loved ones far away.

Now when we receive a card from my cousin in Minnesota, whom the children don't remember meeting six years ago, we can go to our Friendship Tree to see his photo.  Once a forlorn, homeless tree, now the pine is the center of our holiday attention as we remember our friends and family scattered all over the world.

Prayer:  We thank thee, Lord, for this time to remember the warmth of our friends, our glowing memories of Christmases past, and our love which reaches friends and family everywhere.  Amen

Postscript:  the tree has long since died, but I still had some of the ornaments.  All of these children are grown-up---some with children of their own.

Reprinted with permission of the author from St. Mark's booklet from 1985 Thoughts on Advent.

Winter in the Wetlands

The snow has melted on my patio.

The lawn is stlll green,

But just past my place is

Winter in the wetlands.

The ground, still frozen, 

has a blanket of snow

covering the leaves of Fall.

The trees stand naked.

 

Stepping out of the frozen ice of the swamp,

they reach for the sun:

the rosy dawn

wrapping them in warmth.

The sun rises above the treeline

like an innocent waking child 

poking her head out of the blanket of snow---

 joy-filled, happy to see me.

And I am happy to see her, too

radiating a spot of warmth on a 

cold  Winter’s day.

Listen

 

Friday, December 16, 2016

Listen

Christmas Almost Cancelled

I've had Christmases when I was pregnant (twice) and ordered all gifts by mail order.  I've had Christmases when I was recovering from surgery (twice), but still managed to decorate and send cards.  But last year, it just wasn't coming together.  Having had shingles for several months prior to Christmas, then a large crowd at Thanksgiving followed by being gone from Dec. 8 until Christmas Eve, I announced that I was canceling Christmas.  My grandchildren looked like I had lost my mind.

For the first time ever, other than Hallmark ornaments for the grandkids and some old home videos that I'd converted to DVD's for our daughters, I bought nothing.  I did not send out one Christmas card. I jokingly announced to the neighbors I was removing myself from the neighborhood decorating competition.

I even announced to our siblings, nieces, nephews and daughters' in-laws that there would be no packages in the mail and we didn't want any either. I didn't want my neighbors to have to constantly be worrying about what was on our front porch (mail can be held, but FedEx still delivers)

Instead we would be donating the money to charity and wanted our siblings to do the same for us.  For our siblings, we bought sleeping bags and pads for the homeless that a friend was distributing before Christmas.  I tagged them in the photos so they could see what we bought.  For our nieces, nephews and in-laws, we purchased items from the Alternative Christmas.  I then wrote each a card letting them know what was purchased in their honor.

On our travels, I thought what do I really need for Christmas (other than visiting family)?  I need a creche (I found a little wind up one), a lit tree, (about 4 ft tall no decorations) a ham dinner with Sister Schubert rolls, pie and ice cream.  But most important, I need to go to St. Mark Presbyterian Church on Christmas Eve.

We started to leave Dec. 22 when I suddenly became ill.  So, Christmas Eve, when I was feeling better, we got up early and left Dallas before 5 AM.  After driving for 10 hours, I went to the grocery (getting the ham, rolls, pie), fixed dinner, got cleaned up and made it to Christmas Eve worship.  As I sat down in the pew with Sue Snyder on one side, Gwen Welch on the other, Nancy Sutch across the aisle and the Webers in front of me, I began to cry---I had made it surrounded by some of my St. Mark Family.  I was satisfied that I had what was important for Christmas---a Simple Christmas not a Cancelled Christmas after all.

Psalm 119: 

Jaclyn Morgan

Finding Joy

 “Joy Lives in the Heart'

I can feel content

With moments of warmth 

And love in my heart,

But, Joy? Living in my Heart?

Is Joy  hiding in the basement,

Afraid to come out?

If Joy lives in the cellar of my heart,

is it packed in a jar on a shelf?

like last summer’s canned tomatoes, 

Waiting to be found and opened.

Or, maybe Joy is waiting to be found

Like a child playing hide and seek.

Maybe I need to go looking for it. . .

Listen for the muffled giggles  

of joy feeling  antsy in the darkness,

A little afraid to come out before hearing

The magic words:

“Ollie, ollie, oxen free. 

Come out, Come out

Wherever you are.”

So,do I have the power to find joy 

hidden but 

just waiting for permision to come out?

I seem to have forgotten

those magic words.

I hope Joy has the power

to find ME. .. ..

By suddenly popping out 

from the dark shadows of my heart,

Just a little flashlight beam of joy

That I can hold in my hand

Lighting my path.