Trash to treasure

 

Our trash room is nothing to write home about. . . .or is it?  

Before Christmas I had seen photos of some beautiful light displays using crystal and glass candle holders to display vintage Christmas ornaments.  I loved the look but I'd sold all of my vintage ornaments last year and left all of my candles holders behind when we moved because we weren't allowed to have candles. . . .I regretted that decision seeing that beautiful display and discovering battery operated candles.

One day I walked into the trash room where a box was sitting on the floor that said, "FREE".  So I decided to look through the box and I saw these lovely Mikasa crystal candle holders (2).  The tea lights were a little big to set underneath so I set them on top with a glass Christmas tree.  I have thought a lot about how fortunate I was to find that.

Now, it is January---so cold and dry.  I bought a humidifier on Amazon but it couldn't keep up.  It was small and I was regretting that I'd left my big humidifier behind.  I put a kettle of water on the stove which helped with humidity but I was afraid I'd forget about it and burn my pot or start a fire.  Two days ago, I walked into the trash room and saw two boxes with this sign.   

I really only needed one so I left one behind.  It has worked out great in our living area---holding 6 liters of water.

Another thing I miss was all of my empty recycled containers.  I had glass jars and plastic tubs that food had been in which I used for storing things like bird seed.  But, I left them all behind because bird feeders were another banned object in our apartment building. When winter came and birds were huddled together on my patio which is L shaped and protected, I started wishing I had some bird seed.  I had suspected one of my upstairs neighbors was feeding the birds.  After a windy night, remnants of a ball of bird food  was scattered on the grass and on our patio. .. .

We enjoyed seeing the birds so much, I decided to be a rebel and buy some bird seed---waste free---so when the bird ate it, they wouldn't be leaving behind hulls.  Now, I began to wish I had some of those recycled tubs I used to store the seed in.  Look what I found in the trash room last night.

Now I do have some standards---I refuse to root through the trash bins.  But if an item is just sitting, there and I need it. .. . .I'm beginning to think there's something magical and mysterious about that trash room.  I'm also enough of a "Monkey's Paw" fan that I have to be careful what I wish for. . .

Bending the Illusion

 

There have many times the past few years when I wished I had nurse's training.  I have all too frequently told Dave, "Maybe you'll marry a nurse in your next life, but you are stuck with a teacher in this one."    

Even as a child, I only wanted to play school, be a teacher.  Other children wanted to play "house", "army", "nurse" but I only liked "school" and "office" which involved a lot record keeping (done with old mail and bills I found in other people's trash to my mother's horror)  I can remember going to my cousin, Sue's house.  She was overjoyed at getting a nurse's kit for Christmas.  So, I had to be a patient while she  nursed me back to health.  The nurse's kit was very cute---all of the tools she needed for proper nursing.  But, it bored and frustrated me not to be able to play school or office. They say look to how children play to see where their interests are.  Clearly, I was happy becoming a teacher and record keeper while Susan became a nurse.

Back in the 70's when professional doors were opening for women that had been closed before, I considered law school and seminary.  But, the bottom line was that I enjoyed teaching.  So, I returned to graduate schools studying "English as Second Language" and "Elementary Reading".  I wasn't sure which one so I began both studies at SEMO and UMSL (despite having a half-finished Master's in English from SIU).  Ultimately my job focused me  on secondary reading (middle school and high school) with an emphasis in "Second Language Learning" at UMSL.

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I liked collecting data, analyzing it and deciding on a strategy to improve results.  I liked analyzing what worked and what didn't work after trying each strategy. Brain research and Sociological research were important in the field of secondary reading with language learning.  I had no idea in the 1980s how much this study would help me in my personal life: in 2001 my husband  had a traumatic brain injury and stroke (in ICU for 6 weeks) affecting his speech, balance and frontal cortex "filters". It was time to put all of my brain research to work and help him adapt to his new and "foreign" environment.

Parker Palmer's On the Brink of Everything discusses the "authentic self".  I've reflected on this.  I believe "teacher" is my authentic self.  I've always known this.  So, to be 70 years old and having to become a nurse goes against my grain. I needed some of those tools in Susan's nurse's kit.   So, how have I managed to find happiness in being a caregiver for my husband? I don't see myself as a nurse but as a teacher.  Here's where I disagree with  Parker Palmer.  He feels it's important to break through illusion to find reality--one's true self.  But, what if the illusion is what feels right and brings us contentment and peace? I believe my contentment comes from "bending the illusion".

My whole attitude about caregiving turned around when I realized being a caregiver is as much being a teacher as it is a nurse. Like a good reading teacher, I identify problems, research solutions and try various strategies to achieve the goals I have.  I keep track of behavior shifts, what works (as well as what doesn't work).  

My current goals are to get Dave to use his hands more (dexterity), sit in the wheelchair more (core strength), make him feel like he's a contributing member of our family (mental/emotional health), interact socially with others (social skills), exercise his brain (cognitive skills), improve his lung capacity, and reduce anger--all while protecting my back, knees and shoulders. One activity that achieves many of these goals is sorting and matching his socks. Another is having him navigate through the apartment in the wheel chair (rather than using a motorized wheel chair or me pushing him).

There are goals for which I need professionals. We saw a pulmonologist who put him on a nebulizer when my "tools" weren't enough. Todd comes several times a week to take him on walks outside.  Emily (a nurse) comes once a week to help him shower. Erin comes several times a week to help him with his physical therapy exercises.  Each one helps with socialization and reducing anger in addition to their obvious jobs.

I believe being a caregiver is as much about being a teacher as being a nurse.  Both careers take care of others hoping the student/patient will improve with care.  Both involve data, research, analysis, trials and testing of theories.  This is where I find peace. If you think being a caregiver is being a nurse, do NOT burst my illusion that I am using my teacher skills.  I'd rather live in my slightly bent illusion than the frustrating, unqualified reality with no nurse's kit around.

Grandparents in Covid-times

 After having Covid last Spring, Dave has a persistent "crackling" in lungs and wheezing.  We'll be seeing a pulmonologist this week, but this is more about the mental/emotional state of elderly grandparents.  I remember when we were on lock-down friends with young grandchildren fretted that their young grandchildren would forget them, but it hadn't occurred to many that we could forget our grandchildren.

With our young grandchildren, I started reading books to them on YouTube.  They became so accustomed to seeing me on the television that they would greet me and even wish me a happy birthday.  But, I wasn't seeing them since this was all on YouTube. Our daughter even said at Thanksgiving, "We see you almost every day and forget that you can't see us, too."

Most of our grandchildren were in their pre-teens-early teens when covid lockdown hit.  We missed seeing our family as everyone did, but we hadn't counted on them maturing into adults in the three years we didn't see them.  Having spent a career teaching teenagers, I wasn't surprised at their social distance to us when we saw them---no longer the screaming and running to greet us, but heads buried into phones or going to another room to "be teenagers".  What I hadn't counted on was Dave literally not knowing who they were.

This year, we moved to Kansas City to be closer to our family but the grandsons had grown up so much that Dave was constantly asking, "Who is that?"  He knew these young men were relatives but he thought they might be nephews.  When our grandson Brett (22) came to take Dave to a social gathering here at McCrite, I cautioned him that Grandpa might introduce him as his nephew.  I suggested it might be better if Brett just introduced himself, "I'm Dave's grandson, Brett." 

For Christmas this year, the family gave us Aura which electronically flashes photos every 30 seconds or so.  The family can all contribute photos remotely.  Dave fully recognizes the grandchildren's photos from 10 years ago, but not those after Covid, but he's learning.  Our daughters have uploaded photos all ages and stages of their children (and some photos of their childhood, as well).  Dave no longer watches hours of "Major Crimes" but watches the Aura as the photos flash by. We are able to see the "grands" before, during and after covid-times.  Several of the "grands" have even uploaded their photos with school activities and sports.  Davis is going to Spain for this semester and promises to keep us updated through the app.

Although the photos are generated randomly, I have the setting "on" for "Photo match" which displays photos side by side "creating moments of delight by pairing related photos" which explains pairings like this (Left is my brother and his wife.  Right is our grandson with me)

And this one with Libby, me and my (former) car Olivia. Libby is the current owner of Olivia.

So, we may still be struggling with the physical aspects of covid, but we are healing from the emotional toll it took.