God Calling

 You know God how you don’t always answer my prayers?

Sometimes I don’t answer your calls either.

No, the line isn’t busy, I just heavily depend on Caller ID.

So, if the ID doesn’t pop up “God”, 

I probably won’t answer.

Otherwise, how do I know whether it is you

or a scam:

Someone pretending to be God.

We have a lot of that going on down here: 

people thinking they are God.

Please, do not do that parting of the waters thing,

The Missouri River parted may flood 

my apartment on the edge of the wetlands.

Again, I’m all in favor of a burning bush

Just not too big of a fire

Oh, and safely burn one away from the building,

Having a fire extinguisher handy just in case. . . .

While you’re at it, do you think it could be a honeysuckle bush

It’s an invasive species anyway

Not part of your "plan".

And when you speak,

speak loudly in case I don’t have my hearing aids in.

Try not to use the tornado warning system to broadcast your message,though.

I don’t want others thinking the message is for them.

But that “still small voice “

clearly enunciated with closed captions would work.

So, a burning honeysuckle bush away from the building, 

followed by maybe a voice with a sexy Scottish brogue.

I know I should trust you more

to know how to burn a bush safely, 

how to get my attention without flooding.

But, I’m old and a former middle school teacher

who thinks about the worst possible scenario, 

deaf from false gods shouting at me,

nervous about flooding rivers

and partial to kilts.