Words, images, ideas whirl in my head like leaves in the wind.
I try to catch them in the breeze, but they have their own mind.
I sit and watch and wait.
The wind slows,
the leaves drift down---
Fluttering to the ground,
settling in the grass:
Like poetry on a page.
When attempting to write my "This, I believe" statement, I started to write about the importance of teaching children how to be happy, successful adults. It was important to me that our daughters had a balanced life: social, physical activity, team work, creativity, music, academics, service, spiritual. So, when one wanted to quit the church choir, she needed to find another way to serve, be on a team, be spiritual and have music in her life.
And then it hit me: "BALANCE" has been the overarching goal of my entire life not just in parenting. As a stay at home mom, I always volunteered at the church, attended classes, served my community, did something that gave me pleasure and did some sort of exercise in addition to traditional "Mom roles" . It wasn't always easy maintaining that balance. My volunteer positions often stole time for me and time for my family. I didn't have time for personal reflection or fun while I ran from activity to activity. I used my dining room chairs to keep balance.
Having my finger in so many pots sometimes lead to a cluttered house. One of the ways I stayed organized, active and clutter free was to put notebooks, gym bags, books on my dining room chairs. Each chair represented an activity: Picture Lady at Henry School, Church circle, Citizen's Advisory Council, AAUW, Mademoiselle Health Club, Historical Society, Parkway evening classes, Sunday School Teaching. Being a people-pleaser, it's hard for me to say no when asked to take on a new responsibility but when I ran out of dining room chairs, I could either quit something or I would have to say no to something new. This allowed me to still volunteer but also kept me from getting so involved that I didn't have "fun time" with my children or for myself: I was able to focus on other aspects of my life. I'm sure I puzzled a lot of people when I'd say, "Sorry, I can't---I've run out of dining room chairs".
Every aspect of my life tries to achieve balance. My diet is balanced: I choose mixed vegetable, a salad and mixed fruit rather than an apple or green beans. The church blog balances announcements, prayers, mission, inspiration and scripture. I was more pleased when my daughters were nominated for Best All-Around than when they were class officers or on homecoming court. I even rotate my shoes, wearing a different pair each day which dictates what I wear more than the weather does.
Sometimes it's hard for others to see the importance of balance. Dave could watch Major Crimes repeats all day but I insist on the TV being off until noon. Although he is an introvert, I try to get him to socialize, in addition to his much needed time alone. Balance in politics is also something I cannot control. Although I can vote for the most moderate candidate, she often does not win. I'm not happy when one party is in control. I love the give and take of compromise.
Balance in my religious/spiritual life is also important: worship, study, service, meditation. We worship with YouTube, attend Small Groups and Sunday School via Zoom with our St. Mark friends, but our service, meditation and social are done mostly here at McCrite, our retirement home. I use my Stephen Ministry training to listen to my new friends here, but I also help others when possible like bringing packages to my neighbor who doesn't walk well or listening patiently while a friend tells me repeatedly (sometimes within an hour's time) about her job before she retired. While the weather is nice, I sit outside for meditation but we also have several meditation opportunities here at McCrite through videos, staff members hosting devotionals and Tai Chi. I'm optimistic that my spiritual life will soon be in balance too.
So how does my core belief of balance impact my spiritual life? When I feel anxious, stressed or overwhelmed with concerns, I pray for help. . . .not for answers. My life sometimes feels out of control; I'm floundering. I know the answers are within me, but I doubt myself. This happens mostly at 3 AM when I am most vulnerable. I say a prayer and have faith that God is there to support me through the night and will help me in the morning. . What I need is reassurance, a bit of propping up until I can . . .get my balance.
.So, when McCrite offered a class in balance, I smiled to myself knowing that was one class I probably wouldn't need for awhile. Not only do I try to balance my life, but I also still practice yoga most mornings ending in the tree pose at the end of my version of Salute to the Sun.
Photo by Amauri Mejía on Unsplash
Spirit, spirit of gentleness,
Blow through the wilderness,
Calling and free.
Spirit, spirit of restlessness,
Stir me from placidness
Wind, wind on the sea.
Last Sunday, as we sang the hymn "Spirit of Gentleness", I was struck by the poetry of the words: not just the images or meaning of the words but the beautiful sounds of the words. This hymn is awash with sibilance which is, for me, very soothing. The image is of wind which can be gentle but also can be strong as wind often is near the sea. But it is also an image of the Holy Spirit blowing us with energy. The imagery is beautiful and yet, there's also the sounds of the words, sibilance, with the "s" sound: "spirit of gentleness. . .spirit of restlessness . . . .stir me from placidness" I found myself singing it while exhaling a lot of air and emphasizing the "s" sound.
The refrain opens with "Spirit, spirit of gentleness" but concludes with "Wind, wind on the sea" : one is a gentle breeze and the other a stronger wind on the sea wanting us to move. We can sit back and enjoy a gentle breeze but the stronger wind pushes us, directs us, forces us to move with the wind at our backs. The Holy Spirit may be with us all of the time but when it needs us to move, it urges us forward.
Although first three verses tell the history of the Holy Spirit at creation, with Moses and with Jesus at birth, the final verse, switches from past tense to present tense:
You call from tomorrow;
You break ancient schemes;
From the bondage of sorrow
The captives dream dreams.
Our women see visions;
Our men clear their eyes.
With bold new decisions
Your people arise.
The sibulant sounds of the final words in each line, gives us a gentle hug while the meaning and images are pushing us forward. This is followed by the refrain which gently holds us and yet encourages us to move forward: much like a parent urging a child with anxiety to take that first step. The Spirit is gentle but urging us to move forward, to go, to grow.
It's all too easy for us to be complacent: sitting in the sun enjoying a gentle ocean breeze. But, we need to be aware of when the Spirit wants us to move---be aware that the wind is picking up and is no longer soothing us but now blustering and we need to move.
Today I saw on Facebook a photo that took me back to high school. This photo was part of a series showing gifted students promoting new products in a Shark Tank competition. But, seeing that photo made me laugh out loud. If you look carefully, it shows a mummy wrapped in toilet paper.
Television ads have always interested me. I have actually stopped watching TV shows when the ads didn't "measure up". When our daughter were watching "junk" TV, I would ask them to analyze the ads. "What is the target audience? "Is this you? Do you represent this target audience? If not, turn to another show."
Our older two daughters used to sit with little desks watching ads while making magazines with ads. They even took a video class one summer so they could "film" TV shows with commercials in our basement. I once heard that watching how children play will determine their future. While neither daughter currently works in advertising, one majored in Advertising in the School of Journalism and the other majored in Communications. They are both still interested in art and computer graphics.
When teaching German, I even enjoyed showing a video of German commercials. I still can look at a commercial and tell if it was made in Germany. Their chocolate and candy commercials target adults, while American ones target children. So instead of dancing colorful packages and cartoon figures, German commercials show candle light, well dressed beautiful couples and creamy chocolate. When they taste a piece of chocolate, their eyes light up in delight and they waltz off together. The implication is that candy is an aphrodisiac whereas our commercials emphasize energy and riotous fun.
That photo of a student promoting toilet paper took me back to my Speech and Drama class---a class that sometimes caused anxiety but sometimes. . . .mirth. I was the class clown, so debates, memorizing scenes from Greek Drama and giving a funeral oration were definitely more anxiety than mirth. The teacher was a tall, thin and strict woman named Mrs. Betancourt who had a look that would freeze you in your track if you tried to joke around during play practice or weren't serious during debate. But, when our assignment was to create a television commercial, I was all in.
I had several rolls of toilet paper that I was going to promote. I very seriously talked about the advantages of Norcross toilet paper over other name brands. I took the paper wrapper off and demonstrated how it was strong and yet it dissolved in water. When I was done extolling the virtues of Norcross TP, I launched into the jingle to the tune of The Man on the Flying Trapeze.
It flies through the air with the greatest of ease---
Norcross makes the finest of all the Tps
My actions are graceful, it always does please:
It tears apart in the rain and stays in the trees.
And I began throwing toilet paper around the room weaving in and out of my classmates desks before I finally got to the teacher where I nervously wrapped her in TP like a mummy. The class nervously giggled, while watching Mrs. Betancourt as she slowly stood up, unwrapping herself. First one eye was on me and another and then her mouth---she was SMILING. The class erupted: her smile giving them permission to enjoy the moment. I had TPed the class and the teacher and I got a good grade for it!
Listening has never been my strong suit---whether it was listening to my mother telling me to clean my room or trying to listen to a sermon. My mother accused me of "tuning her out" or being so into a book, I put a wall around myself: self imposed deafness was implied. I finally learned to take notes when listening to a sermon or a class lecture, but socially, listening is a skill that I never could find a "work around" other than asking someone to write me a note, e-mail or text. I learn more about what is being said by facial expression and gestures than by the spoken word.
My daughters have the same problem so there's possibly a genetic component. I even took them for hearing tests as children when they failed the listening part of standardized tests. Their hearing checked out but I made sure they had tape recorders when they went to college (before iphones).
I learn by watching something being done so I need a visual for full listening comprehension. I had an English friend when I was in college who called me from New York on his way home to England. I couldn't understand a word he said because I had no visual clues. He could have been professing his love, begging me to run away, or telling me the plane had been hijacked, but I couldn't understand him. When he hung up, I just sat down and cried. Seeing someone's facial expression and the formation of the words is critical in my understanding.
Now, in my twilight years, I have hearing loss. Without hearing aids, everything sounds like I'm under water. I can hear noise but I can't understand any of it---even the visual clues aren't helping. As much as I love hearing a familiar voice, I'm not comprehending. Zoom has helped a lot---I can see and hear---and with the focus of zoom on individual faces speaking, it's been a great help.
I recently discovered my Merlin bird ID app has a "Sound ID". So, the other day I heard a very cheerful bird, hit the record button and discovered it was a vireo warbler. As I was taking a walk yesterday after a rainy day, I heard a lot of "joyful noise". I got my phone out hit the record button and in one minute, recorded Brown Thrasher, Downy Woodpecker, House Sparrow, European Starling, Tufted Titmouse, Northern Mockingbird.
I am now even able to identify the European Starling by its call: sounds like an asthmatic raspy old man. Just now while writing this (in under a minute:) European Starling, House Sparrow, Brown headed Cowbird, American Robin, Carolina Wren and Rose-breasted Grosbeak. I'm not going to say this is as satisfactory as seeing them at my window, but I am developing my listening skill. I think I can identify a cardinal now too. The app highlights the sound it is currently recording and there's a visual pattern at the top of the screen.
One of my English cousins just told me that she uses that app too which certainly explains why Merlin says "American Robin" since the robins in England have a red breast but otherwise are more the size of our Bluebirds. Another friend said she loves the app when visiting somewhere to help her identify birds she's unfamiliar with in a new setting.
Photo by Mark Paton on Unsplash
