Good-bye Uncle Bob

My Uncle Bob's funeral is today. This photo was taken the day my mother and aunts told my grandmother they were pregnant: Norma (with Steve), Mom (with me), Grandmother Vivian, Maxine (with Bob, Jr), Uncle Bob with Uncle Ron in the front. About 6 months after this photo, I met Uncle Bob---I have letters from him describing me to my dad who was overseas. So, I technically knew Uncle Bob before my father.



Bob was married to my Dad's sister Maxine who was ill for many years. Bob was father and mother to his three children, took care of my aunt and worked for the telephone company. He was a good man who was patient, kind and dependable. We will never forget him.

Yesterday, my cousins and I mourned our losses at the funeral parlor. My mother died in January. My parents lived to their late 80's as did Bob. Why is it so hard to let go of our parents when they have clearly lived a long and productive life, are suffering and are ready to go? Is it because they've been by our sides for 60 years? Is it because they've always been there for us? Is it because our roles have reversed and we have now taken care of them? Is it because our own children are grown and gone and our parents had helped mask that loss? Is it because as Kathleen put it, "He was my best friend."

It's probably all of that. I know for my mother, she had mellowed a bit with age. She was always so volatile that it was hard to get close to her. But, in her 80's, she still had spunk, but we could cherish that spunk and enjoy her company. My sister said, "If I'd had to write Mom's eulogy 5 years ago, it would have been totally different." Perhaps it's hard to let go because we feel like we finally have learned to appreciate them and enjoy their company. Or as Kathleen said about her father, Mom had become my best friend. Since I'd retired, we were able to travel a bit together, but there was so much more I wanted to do. Did I really think at 87 she would live forever?

Kathleen and Michael had been through so much with their father always there giving them the strength they needed when their brother and mother died and when their own families were in crisis. Michael retired early and was able to visit with his father several weeks each year. Kathleen who lived near her father went to the theater with him, talked to him or was with him each day.

Our parents, even in death, thought of us and our well-being. Mother had her heart attack on Christmas Day, but willed herself to live so we wouldn't be haunted every Christmas with her death. When she finally died at the end of January, it was several days before my brother's birthday---again, she didn't want to ruin his birthday.

Even in his death, Bob, too, was thinking of Kathleen and Michael. He'd been able to attend one grandchild's wedding in early August, but was too weak to travel to Atlanta for another wedding at the end of August. Although he was in hospice care, he was emphatic that Jennifer's wedding would still happen, no matter what. But, he also knew Kathleen wouldn't leave his side to go to the wedding despite his urgings. He died just a few days before the wedding, releasing Kathleen to attend.

So, now it's time for my cousins and I to step up to the plate. It is our turn to be the supportive parents, the loving grandparents and, yes, to eventually be taken care of by our children. We had excellent role models, but, this, our final stage in life, is still a little scary. Maybe our parents, in spirit, will continue to help us, stand by our sides and give us support as we take our first step as the Patriarchs and Matriarchs of our families.